1 00:00:34,619 --> 00:00:35,984 For generations of high-schoolers, 2 00:00:36,140 --> 00:00:38,222 you could only be a jock, a geek, 3 00:00:39,700 --> 00:00:42,067 a princess, a bully, or a basket case. 4 00:00:42,219 --> 00:00:43,823 But times have changed. 5 00:00:43,979 --> 00:00:45,549 Jocks play video games. 6 00:00:45,700 --> 00:00:47,906 Princesses are on antidepressants. 7 00:00:48,060 --> 00:00:50,585 And geeks basically run the country. 8 00:00:51,299 --> 00:00:53,506 I thought we were living in a brave new world, 9 00:00:53,659 --> 00:00:54,707 a place without labels. 10 00:00:56,060 --> 00:00:58,347 But every so often, there's that one moment in high school 11 00:00:58,500 --> 00:01:01,185 that changes your perspective on everything. 12 00:01:02,259 --> 00:01:03,341 Showtime. 13 00:01:03,500 --> 00:01:06,867 And for me, it happened senior year, about a month before homecoming. 14 00:01:07,540 --> 00:01:10,146 I was cruising the halls with my two best friends. 15 00:01:10,299 --> 00:01:11,460 Jess Harris. 16 00:01:15,340 --> 00:01:18,263 I would bang her so hard, we'd both need helmets. 17 00:01:25,420 --> 00:01:27,740 Yeah, that's not me. 18 00:01:27,900 --> 00:01:29,504 Casey Cordero. 19 00:01:33,539 --> 00:01:35,542 - I would play "Call of Duty" with her - Yeah. 20 00:01:35,700 --> 00:01:38,067 - All night. - Wait, what? 21 00:01:38,219 --> 00:01:40,984 And bang her hard too, to the point of needing helmets. 22 00:01:41,140 --> 00:01:42,629 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That too, yeah. 23 00:01:55,180 --> 00:01:56,908 Nope, not me, either. 24 00:01:57,060 --> 00:01:59,870 Shaw's over. Just Bianca. 25 00:02:05,299 --> 00:02:07,063 That's me. 26 00:02:13,099 --> 00:02:14,829 Martin Van Buren. Nickelback. 27 00:02:16,139 --> 00:02:17,550 Antidisestablishmentarianism. 28 00:02:26,460 --> 00:02:28,747 Jess has the hottest ass. 29 00:02:28,900 --> 00:02:31,266 Casey has the hottest rack. 30 00:02:31,420 --> 00:02:35,026 Bianca, she has the hottest friends. 31 00:02:35,180 --> 00:02:36,625 - Yeah. - Yeah. 32 00:02:39,219 --> 00:02:40,824 Homecoming tickets, homecoming. 33 00:02:40,979 --> 00:02:42,948 Hey, get your homecoming tickets now. 34 00:02:43,099 --> 00:02:45,670 - Half price now or double at the door. - We're gonna be late. 35 00:02:45,819 --> 00:02:47,503 Hey, Jess. Hey, Casey. Homecoming tickets? 36 00:02:47,699 --> 00:02:50,067 - Oh, we bought ours online. - All right, cool. See you there. 37 00:02:50,219 --> 00:02:53,429 - Thanks. - And I will not be attending, so... 38 00:02:53,620 --> 00:02:56,099 Oh, my God, you do this before every dance. 39 00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:58,103 Yeah, but I don't feel like going. 40 00:02:58,699 --> 00:03:01,306 There's a Vincent Price marathon on, so I gotta watch that. 41 00:03:01,460 --> 00:03:03,030 Who's that? 42 00:03:04,020 --> 00:03:07,024 Shit, there's Señor Gomez. I'm failing Spanish. 43 00:03:24,180 --> 00:03:25,227 Okay. 44 00:03:25,379 --> 00:03:27,302 Mini Stalin, dead ahead. 45 00:03:27,460 --> 00:03:29,188 Meet Madison Morgan. 46 00:03:29,340 --> 00:03:32,741 As she would tell you herself, she's the hottest girl in school. 47 00:03:32,900 --> 00:03:34,425 Even the gay guys wanna date her. 48 00:03:34,620 --> 00:03:37,066 I would totally bang the shit out of her. 49 00:03:37,219 --> 00:03:38,300 But I wouldn't like it. 50 00:03:43,939 --> 00:03:45,590 Love. 51 00:03:50,460 --> 00:03:51,665 Sorry. 52 00:03:53,099 --> 00:03:54,908 So, yeah, she was a bitch. 53 00:03:55,099 --> 00:03:57,751 Were we fake friends with her? Kind of. 54 00:03:58,099 --> 00:04:01,546 Girls, party at my place. I'm sure you've heard of it. 55 00:04:01,699 --> 00:04:04,067 Can you make sure you get an insert shot of them opening it? 56 00:04:04,219 --> 00:04:05,381 Yep, on it. 57 00:04:05,539 --> 00:04:08,463 Oh, yeah, I'm doing a video about the party for my YouTube channel. 58 00:04:08,620 --> 00:04:11,350 Wow, wait, you're having a party on a Wednesday? 59 00:04:11,500 --> 00:04:14,151 - On a school night? - Yeah, I can do that. 60 00:04:14,300 --> 00:04:15,789 Damn, dude. All right. 61 00:04:15,939 --> 00:04:17,350 Well, yeah, we're in. 62 00:04:19,540 --> 00:04:23,021 Bianca, you have to have an actual invite to get in, 63 00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:24,591 and I only have a certain amount. 64 00:04:24,740 --> 00:04:27,949 But if anything changes, I'll let you know. 65 00:04:28,259 --> 00:04:29,988 - Problem solved. - Oh, hey. 66 00:04:30,180 --> 00:04:31,625 Look at that. 67 00:04:32,220 --> 00:04:33,824 Wonderful. 68 00:04:34,779 --> 00:04:36,942 Can't wait. Should I bring anything or...? 69 00:04:37,139 --> 00:04:38,744 We'll... Okay. 70 00:04:40,060 --> 00:04:43,189 Anupam and Lena, where are we on the school lunch article? 71 00:04:44,300 --> 00:04:48,463 We thought we would make it about how the prices of ice cream 72 00:04:48,620 --> 00:04:51,146 have gone up 15 cents in the cafeteria and... 73 00:04:51,300 --> 00:04:53,951 That's a bit vanilla. Pardon the pun. 74 00:04:54,100 --> 00:04:56,831 But you're missing the meat of the story. 75 00:04:56,980 --> 00:04:59,062 Our school serves pizza five days a week, 76 00:04:59,220 --> 00:05:01,507 paid by taxpayer money 77 00:05:01,660 --> 00:05:05,266 that is used to cover us against pizza-induced diabetes. 78 00:05:05,459 --> 00:05:07,507 Now that's a school lunch story. 79 00:05:07,660 --> 00:05:09,502 Copy that, circle it, write it. 80 00:05:10,620 --> 00:05:12,463 Nailed it. I'm so proud of me. 81 00:05:12,620 --> 00:05:14,543 We came up with that idea together, but mostly me. 82 00:05:14,699 --> 00:05:17,350 Okay, next up, final assignment, all right? 83 00:05:17,500 --> 00:05:21,425 It's a doozy, but it's a real feather in the cap for any reporter worth their salt 84 00:05:21,579 --> 00:05:24,026 that wants to comment on the social life of this school. 85 00:05:24,180 --> 00:05:25,829 Anyone? 86 00:05:26,339 --> 00:05:27,466 Not all at once. 87 00:05:28,180 --> 00:05:29,511 No one? 88 00:05:30,019 --> 00:05:32,591 No one at all? Any takers? 89 00:05:32,980 --> 00:05:34,504 Bianca. 90 00:05:34,699 --> 00:05:36,509 Just the gal I was hoping for. 91 00:05:36,699 --> 00:05:38,781 Hello. Okay. 92 00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:40,908 I want you to step out of your comfort zone 93 00:05:41,060 --> 00:05:43,903 and bring your special brand of journalistic gravitas 94 00:05:44,060 --> 00:05:46,745 to an article about homecoming. 95 00:05:47,860 --> 00:05:50,783 Specifically, what homecoming means to me. 96 00:05:50,939 --> 00:05:53,625 I mean, not to me. I never went to a dance when I was a kid. 97 00:05:53,779 --> 00:05:57,182 - Kind of a nerd. - Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Arthur, 98 00:05:57,340 --> 00:05:59,468 but with all due respect, I'm... 99 00:05:59,620 --> 00:06:04,466 You're honored and thrilled to lend that Bianca Piper magic? 100 00:06:04,620 --> 00:06:05,951 You wanna do your thing 101 00:06:06,100 --> 00:06:08,944 and put some stuff in the words and make it pop? 102 00:06:09,100 --> 00:06:10,908 That's so nice of you. 103 00:06:11,060 --> 00:06:13,427 You don't have to do that. "No, you didn't. I didn't say..." 104 00:06:13,579 --> 00:06:15,069 Yes, you did. And thank... 105 00:06:15,220 --> 00:06:17,620 "No, I didn't, I didn't." Yes, you did. 106 00:06:17,779 --> 00:06:19,430 And I thank you. 107 00:06:21,740 --> 00:06:24,141 You did. And I thank you. 108 00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:26,701 Yeah, that's not where I was going with that. 109 00:06:28,579 --> 00:06:31,822 I'm sorry, "What Homecoming Means to Me"? 110 00:06:31,980 --> 00:06:33,425 What are we, 5 years old? 111 00:06:33,579 --> 00:06:35,230 - What is this? - Look, I'm sorry, B. 112 00:06:35,379 --> 00:06:37,382 I know it sucks, but maybe it's the universe 113 00:06:37,540 --> 00:06:38,985 telling you, you need to be there. 114 00:06:39,180 --> 00:06:41,069 Please, don't start with the universe with me 115 00:06:41,220 --> 00:06:42,584 this early in the morning, okay? 116 00:06:42,740 --> 00:06:45,026 Everything and everyone can suck it. 117 00:06:45,180 --> 00:06:47,706 Okay, it's not the end of the world. 118 00:06:47,899 --> 00:06:49,584 Well, that's easy for you to say. 119 00:06:49,740 --> 00:06:51,947 - I don't have a date. - I can fix that. 120 00:06:54,939 --> 00:06:57,146 - Jack Rebis. - Tiny hands. 121 00:06:57,300 --> 00:06:59,348 - Mark Warshaw? - Smells like trash. 122 00:07:00,939 --> 00:07:04,182 Charlie Piper. 123 00:07:04,339 --> 00:07:05,785 My cousin Charlie Piper? 124 00:07:06,139 --> 00:07:07,903 Well, people don't know that. 125 00:07:08,060 --> 00:07:10,346 Okay, I will keep looking. 126 00:07:10,980 --> 00:07:12,425 We'll find someone. 127 00:07:12,579 --> 00:07:15,230 Although Jess' menu of dudes was never-ending, 128 00:07:15,379 --> 00:07:17,542 there was only one guy I wanted to be my date. 129 00:07:18,300 --> 00:07:21,463 And that's him, Toby Tucker. 130 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:42,350 I couldn't work up the courage to say three words to Toby. 131 00:07:42,540 --> 00:07:44,064 No, literally, three words. 132 00:07:45,620 --> 00:07:48,463 Okay, bye. 133 00:07:53,740 --> 00:07:55,504 We're gonna kick some ass! 134 00:07:55,659 --> 00:07:57,502 - Jeez. - I'll see you later, bro. 135 00:07:57,659 --> 00:07:59,582 You know those people you grow up with, 136 00:07:59,740 --> 00:08:02,026 maybe you took baths with them when you were little, 137 00:08:02,220 --> 00:08:04,870 but now they just annoy the shit out of you? 138 00:08:05,060 --> 00:08:08,382 I give you Wesley Rush. 139 00:08:19,139 --> 00:08:20,425 - Hey, neighbor. - Wesley. 140 00:08:20,620 --> 00:08:23,021 Saw you watching some weird Japanese horror movie last night. 141 00:08:23,500 --> 00:08:24,661 Were you spying on me? 142 00:08:24,819 --> 00:08:26,151 A, don't leave your curtains open, 143 00:08:26,300 --> 00:08:28,701 and two, it's kind of hard to miss a bunch of Japanese people 144 00:08:28,860 --> 00:08:30,827 running and screaming for their lives. 145 00:08:30,980 --> 00:08:33,221 Looked horrible, by the way, all that reading. 146 00:08:34,019 --> 00:08:35,431 Those would be subtitles. 147 00:08:35,580 --> 00:08:37,503 Super. Where are your girls at? 148 00:08:38,340 --> 00:08:41,787 - Who wants to know? - The only man in your life. 149 00:08:41,940 --> 00:08:44,260 Wesley, you wouldn't be in my life 150 00:08:44,419 --> 00:08:46,899 if you were the only man left on the planet. 151 00:08:47,379 --> 00:08:48,586 Sticks and stones, B. 152 00:08:48,740 --> 00:08:50,389 Speaking of stones, rock-hard abs. 153 00:08:50,539 --> 00:08:51,665 - No, no. - Touch them. 154 00:08:51,820 --> 00:08:53,584 - No, no one wants that. - Graze them. 155 00:08:53,740 --> 00:08:56,140 Hey, there you are. 156 00:08:57,500 --> 00:08:59,423 Wesley and Madison were known around school 157 00:08:59,580 --> 00:09:01,105 as "The Relationship Strobe Light." 158 00:09:01,259 --> 00:09:04,342 On again, off again, a thousand times. 159 00:09:05,740 --> 00:09:07,230 Okay. 160 00:09:10,899 --> 00:09:12,708 Bianca. Well, this is awkw... 161 00:09:12,860 --> 00:09:18,105 Sorry, were you just hitting on my ex-boyfriend? 162 00:09:18,299 --> 00:09:21,303 No, no. Just having some me time at my locker. 163 00:09:21,460 --> 00:09:23,383 - He approached me. - Totally. 164 00:09:23,539 --> 00:09:25,349 I agree. That could never happen. 165 00:09:27,259 --> 00:09:29,740 I know you miss me. 166 00:09:31,460 --> 00:09:33,224 That's a healthy thing you've got going. 167 00:09:33,379 --> 00:09:35,109 Later, B. 168 00:09:39,100 --> 00:09:40,510 B, it's a party. 169 00:09:40,700 --> 00:09:42,303 You should wear something cute. 170 00:09:42,460 --> 00:09:44,701 Here. Lots of options for you. 171 00:09:44,860 --> 00:09:47,226 How about this? 172 00:09:47,379 --> 00:09:48,427 Pretty. 173 00:09:48,620 --> 00:09:51,668 - What the hell is this, underwear? - No, it's a camisole. 174 00:09:52,419 --> 00:09:54,990 No? Not for you? Okay. 175 00:09:55,659 --> 00:09:59,585 How about this? It's a little darker, kind of sexy. 176 00:10:01,700 --> 00:10:04,624 Fine. Although I did hear Toby's gonna be at the party tonight. 177 00:10:04,779 --> 00:10:06,304 Oh, like that would matter. 178 00:10:06,460 --> 00:10:08,587 I mean, it's not like she's gonna say anything to him. 179 00:10:08,740 --> 00:10:12,630 Excuse me, I might. 180 00:10:13,139 --> 00:10:15,346 Maybe I'll, you know... 181 00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:18,269 Yeah, on second thought, 182 00:10:18,419 --> 00:10:23,267 I think I'm just gonna stick with the old lucky party shirt. 183 00:10:23,419 --> 00:10:25,467 - Wait for it. - Bianca, don't do it. 184 00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:28,270 - B. - Says it on there. 185 00:10:28,419 --> 00:10:29,546 No. 186 00:10:29,700 --> 00:10:31,190 - And, you know, maybe... - No. 187 00:10:31,340 --> 00:10:33,661 - ...I'll round it out with old trusty... - Not the flannel. 188 00:10:33,820 --> 00:10:35,663 - Nice, muted tones. - No. 189 00:10:35,820 --> 00:10:37,470 That is not a good look. 190 00:10:37,620 --> 00:10:40,350 This is a good look. 191 00:10:40,500 --> 00:10:41,547 And that's my mom. 192 00:10:42,940 --> 00:10:46,422 Three years ago my dad left her, and she did not handle it well. 193 00:10:52,100 --> 00:10:55,104 But one night divine inspiration struck. 194 00:10:55,259 --> 00:10:57,547 You can expect to go through five stages. 195 00:10:57,700 --> 00:11:00,306 - The first is denial. - No way, because I'm not dying. 196 00:11:00,460 --> 00:11:03,110 - Second is anger. - Why, you little... 197 00:11:03,500 --> 00:11:04,990 After that comes fear. 198 00:11:05,139 --> 00:11:07,187 - What's after fear? What's after fear? - Bargaining. 199 00:11:07,340 --> 00:11:09,820 You gotta get me out of this. I'll make it worth your while. 200 00:11:09,980 --> 00:11:13,666 - Finally, acceptance. - Well, we all gotta go sometime. 201 00:11:13,820 --> 00:11:16,504 And just like that, she became Dottie Piper, 202 00:11:16,659 --> 00:11:19,504 local celebrity to the 40-and-over self-help crowd, 203 00:11:19,659 --> 00:11:21,184 all-around rock star and occasional mom. 204 00:11:26,379 --> 00:11:27,825 All right, let me tell you something. 205 00:11:27,980 --> 00:11:30,823 I was in the depression stage about my ex, 206 00:11:30,980 --> 00:11:33,630 but I combined my ex with "depression," 207 00:11:33,779 --> 00:11:35,748 and I got "expression." 208 00:11:37,059 --> 00:11:39,107 if you girls wanna really knock the boys out, 209 00:11:39,259 --> 00:11:42,503 you should project boldness with a power pantsuit combo. 210 00:11:43,379 --> 00:11:45,269 I'm gonna look like Hillary Clinton, Mom. 211 00:11:45,419 --> 00:11:46,750 I know, right? 212 00:11:46,899 --> 00:11:50,187 Okay, kids, enjoy your party. I love you. I have another seminar to prep for. 213 00:11:50,340 --> 00:11:52,341 - Okay, bye. - Bye. 214 00:12:00,379 --> 00:12:02,269 - I love your outfit. - Caitlyn, can you make sure 215 00:12:02,460 --> 00:12:03,700 you get a shot of the desserts? 216 00:12:03,860 --> 00:12:05,543 Jess, hair's looking good. 217 00:12:05,700 --> 00:12:06,985 She needs a blow-out. 218 00:12:07,139 --> 00:12:08,823 Here, Kelly, take the blue ones. 219 00:12:08,980 --> 00:12:12,268 They're sugar-free, and I know you're trying to watch that kind of thing. 220 00:12:19,179 --> 00:12:20,306 What? 221 00:12:20,460 --> 00:12:22,940 You've got to be kidding me. 222 00:12:29,700 --> 00:12:31,350 Wesley? 223 00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:33,104 Caitlyn. 224 00:12:34,220 --> 00:12:35,870 Hey, Mads. 225 00:12:36,419 --> 00:12:38,581 Really? With this? Does she have to film everything? 226 00:12:38,740 --> 00:12:41,629 Wesley, I'm what's known as pre-famous. 227 00:12:41,779 --> 00:12:44,306 My life is an audition for reality TV. 228 00:12:44,460 --> 00:12:47,827 So, yeah, I need to chronicle everything. 229 00:12:48,299 --> 00:12:50,188 That was a good take for me. Get a wide shot too. 230 00:12:50,340 --> 00:12:51,830 Hey, Caitlyn, take five. 231 00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:53,265 Thanks. 232 00:12:56,179 --> 00:12:57,783 This is why we are not dating, okay? 233 00:12:57,980 --> 00:13:00,823 Because you, my friend, are a juvenile dipshit. 234 00:13:01,019 --> 00:13:02,988 - I could be dating college guys, - Yeah. 235 00:13:03,139 --> 00:13:06,269 Or famous people, or 30-year-olds. 236 00:13:06,419 --> 00:13:08,308 That sounds like an awesome episode of Dateline. 237 00:13:08,460 --> 00:13:09,950 Enjoy those saggy balls. 238 00:13:10,100 --> 00:13:12,067 Fine, I will. 239 00:13:17,659 --> 00:13:19,309 Come on, man. 240 00:13:19,940 --> 00:13:22,226 Guys, I don't see Toby. 241 00:13:22,419 --> 00:13:24,548 - I don't know where Toby is. - Come dance with us. 242 00:13:24,700 --> 00:13:25,905 Do you think he didn't come? 243 00:13:26,059 --> 00:13:28,346 - Party pooper. - No, no, guys, I don't dance. 244 00:13:28,500 --> 00:13:30,662 Come on, B. Come on, B. 245 00:13:30,820 --> 00:13:33,504 - No, no, no. - Yeah, you do. Come on, you dance. 246 00:13:33,659 --> 00:13:34,946 You do. Come on. 247 00:13:35,820 --> 00:13:37,709 - Come on. - Okay. 248 00:13:37,860 --> 00:13:39,100 - There you go. - Hey. 249 00:13:39,259 --> 00:13:41,786 - Hey. - Look at those moves. 250 00:13:43,340 --> 00:13:44,671 - See? - Oh, man, all this dancing, 251 00:13:44,860 --> 00:13:46,463 made me so thirsty. I'm gonna get a drink. 252 00:13:46,620 --> 00:13:48,384 B, really? 253 00:13:58,740 --> 00:14:01,471 Let you get away 254 00:14:01,700 --> 00:14:04,179 Now, don't go away 255 00:14:04,379 --> 00:14:07,623 My darling, don't go away 256 00:14:11,259 --> 00:14:12,385 Hey, Billy. 257 00:14:12,539 --> 00:14:14,110 - No, just Bianca. - Jesus. 258 00:14:14,299 --> 00:14:15,870 Looking very handsome tonight. 259 00:14:16,019 --> 00:14:17,544 Why, thank you. 260 00:14:17,700 --> 00:14:18,860 Having fun at the party? 261 00:14:19,059 --> 00:14:22,542 Yeah, actually, your girls are looking incredible out there. 262 00:14:22,700 --> 00:14:24,144 Have they asked about me? 263 00:14:24,299 --> 00:14:25,950 When I told them that you were here, 264 00:14:26,100 --> 00:14:30,822 their eyes filled with this, like, sparkle, you know, with, like, childlike wonder, 265 00:14:30,980 --> 00:14:33,346 and then they just started dancing together. 266 00:14:33,500 --> 00:14:35,229 - It was kind of beautiful. - Yeah, it was. 267 00:14:35,379 --> 00:14:39,179 Do they do other things together 268 00:14:39,340 --> 00:14:41,547 that I might be able to join in on or just watch? 269 00:14:41,700 --> 00:14:44,509 I'm kidding. Not kidding at all. Tell me everything. 270 00:14:44,659 --> 00:14:47,424 Yeah, it's actually not my job to give you pervy intel 271 00:14:47,580 --> 00:14:50,663 - on my best friends, but thanks. - Well, I mean, it kind of is, though. 272 00:14:50,820 --> 00:14:52,504 People ask you questions about them, right, 273 00:14:52,659 --> 00:14:54,707 because that's your job as their DUFF. 274 00:14:55,940 --> 00:14:57,942 Sorry, as their what? 275 00:14:58,139 --> 00:15:00,268 DUFF. D-U-F-F. 276 00:15:00,419 --> 00:15:02,024 Designated Ugly Fat Friend. 277 00:15:04,659 --> 00:15:06,149 What did you just say to me? 278 00:15:06,620 --> 00:15:09,668 It's not like a big deal, okay? I mean, like, every group of friends has one. 279 00:15:09,860 --> 00:15:12,750 The one who doesn't look as good, thus making their friends look better. 280 00:15:12,899 --> 00:15:15,823 The one who's approachable and easy to talk to, 281 00:15:15,980 --> 00:15:17,788 because no one's trying to get in their pants. 282 00:15:17,940 --> 00:15:21,023 And if you don't know who it is, chances are it's you. 283 00:15:21,179 --> 00:15:24,070 Say when. Say... 284 00:15:24,539 --> 00:15:27,623 Okay, look, I didn't mean it like that, all right? 285 00:15:27,779 --> 00:15:30,750 The DUFF doesn't always have to be some heinous beast, all right? 286 00:15:30,899 --> 00:15:32,584 Take a look at Robin. 287 00:15:33,539 --> 00:15:34,985 Robin's, like, super cute. 288 00:15:35,139 --> 00:15:37,904 Okay, but her friends are super hot. 289 00:15:38,740 --> 00:15:41,948 Oh, God, that is such a guy thing to say. 290 00:15:42,139 --> 00:15:43,789 Guys can be DUFFs too, okay? 291 00:15:43,940 --> 00:15:46,101 You know my boy A.J., freshman on the football team? 292 00:15:46,259 --> 00:15:47,341 We're in chemistry together. 293 00:15:47,500 --> 00:15:49,866 Now he's doing the second most important job a DUFF can do, 294 00:15:50,019 --> 00:15:52,421 acting as, like, the gatekeeper to their better-looking friends. 295 00:15:52,580 --> 00:15:55,105 The guy with the info people go to before they make their move. 296 00:15:55,259 --> 00:15:58,230 - Watch, watch. - Is it true Wes is single? 297 00:15:58,379 --> 00:15:59,461 Sure is, yeah. 298 00:15:59,659 --> 00:16:02,903 Got it. Thanks, A.J. You're sweet. 299 00:16:05,620 --> 00:16:07,621 - Hi. - Hey, Wes. 300 00:16:07,779 --> 00:16:10,225 See? She gets her info, he gets to talk to a hot senior. 301 00:16:10,419 --> 00:16:12,548 Even got a little action. I didn't have to do anything. 302 00:16:12,740 --> 00:16:14,504 It's kind of like us right now. 303 00:16:14,659 --> 00:16:17,549 Excuse me, that is not like us right now. 304 00:16:17,700 --> 00:16:18,860 B, on an average day, 305 00:16:19,019 --> 00:16:21,226 how many guys ask you questions about Jess and Casey? 306 00:16:23,220 --> 00:16:26,428 - I don't know. It's a fair amount. - Okay. 307 00:16:26,580 --> 00:16:29,264 On an average day, how many guys ask you questions about you? 308 00:16:32,340 --> 00:16:34,581 See? You friended up, okay? 309 00:16:34,779 --> 00:16:37,828 Good for you. Good talk. You know what? Get back out there. 310 00:16:37,980 --> 00:16:39,105 Have some... 311 00:16:40,259 --> 00:16:42,626 Hey, what the hell was that for? 312 00:16:45,700 --> 00:16:48,100 Stupid Wes. 313 00:16:49,340 --> 00:16:51,182 It's not even... 314 00:17:23,460 --> 00:17:24,790 Really? 315 00:17:25,220 --> 00:17:26,949 Oh, God. 316 00:17:33,740 --> 00:17:35,469 I am the DUFF. 317 00:17:35,900 --> 00:17:39,028 Impress me to get to my friends. 318 00:17:39,180 --> 00:17:40,864 I am the gatekeeper. 319 00:17:44,059 --> 00:17:45,982 I'm not the DUFF. 320 00:18:08,420 --> 00:18:09,660 Hey, Duffy. 321 00:18:09,819 --> 00:18:11,867 Shouldn't you be working with a partner? 322 00:18:12,019 --> 00:18:13,589 Shouldn't you be working at all? 323 00:18:13,740 --> 00:18:15,867 Lab partner's got this. 324 00:18:16,579 --> 00:18:17,990 Oh, boy. Clearly. 325 00:18:18,140 --> 00:18:21,029 Bill Nye over there looks like she's about to drink that acid. 326 00:18:23,940 --> 00:18:25,270 I work alone. 327 00:18:25,420 --> 00:18:27,740 - Take a hint. - Why are you so grumpy? 328 00:18:27,900 --> 00:18:31,143 You know, I should be mad at you. You ruined my favorite shirt. 329 00:18:32,339 --> 00:18:35,105 You called me fat and ugly, Wesley. 330 00:18:35,259 --> 00:18:38,025 What? No, I didn't. I called you the DUFF. 331 00:18:38,180 --> 00:18:39,227 Yeah, excuse me. 332 00:18:39,380 --> 00:18:43,101 It's just that stands for Designated Ugly Fat Friend, dick face. 333 00:18:43,259 --> 00:18:45,422 You can't take it literally, okay? 334 00:18:45,579 --> 00:18:48,423 I mean, the DUFF doesn't actually have to be fat or ugly. 335 00:18:48,619 --> 00:18:50,429 You know, like Tony Romo, he's a Dallas Cowboy. 336 00:18:50,619 --> 00:18:53,509 It's not like he rides a horse, right? 337 00:18:53,660 --> 00:18:55,947 I have no idea what the hell you're talking about. 338 00:18:56,099 --> 00:18:59,104 I'm just saying, I would never call anyone fat or ugly. 339 00:18:59,259 --> 00:19:01,261 Okay? That's messed up. 340 00:19:01,420 --> 00:19:03,787 But it's the word and it stuck. It's a catchall. 341 00:19:03,940 --> 00:19:07,386 Oh, my God. Get out of here before I murder you. 342 00:19:10,619 --> 00:19:13,145 - Are you kidding? Okay. - I'll murder you. 343 00:19:14,140 --> 00:19:16,063 B, where the hell'd you go? 344 00:19:16,220 --> 00:19:18,063 Home. Wasn't feeling good. 345 00:19:18,220 --> 00:19:20,143 Oh, well, you didn't really miss much. 346 00:19:20,299 --> 00:19:22,701 Yeah, except Jess making out with Ryan Jensen, 347 00:19:22,900 --> 00:19:24,185 the cops busting up the party, 348 00:19:24,339 --> 00:19:26,990 and, like, everyone TP'ing Rebecca Cutter's house. 349 00:19:27,140 --> 00:19:29,346 She's right, it was pretty awesome. 350 00:19:30,019 --> 00:19:31,670 Hello? Are you okay? 351 00:19:31,819 --> 00:19:33,822 Yeah, just get the food. 352 00:19:33,980 --> 00:19:36,631 - Hey there, Jess and Casey. - Hey. 353 00:19:38,980 --> 00:19:40,027 Hey, Elaine. 354 00:19:40,180 --> 00:19:42,022 Hey, you. 355 00:19:47,660 --> 00:19:49,025 Hey, Jeffrey. 356 00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:55,864 It was becoming harder and harder to deny the truth. 357 00:19:56,059 --> 00:19:58,711 - Without Jess and Casey... - Hey, Jess, Casey. 358 00:19:58,900 --> 00:20:00,470 Hey, Principal Buchanon. 359 00:20:00,619 --> 00:20:02,429 ...I ceased to be. 360 00:20:05,779 --> 00:20:07,623 Girls, party at my place. 361 00:20:07,859 --> 00:20:09,384 Hey, Jess. Hey, Casey. 362 00:20:09,779 --> 00:20:12,510 Holy shit, I was the DUFF. 363 00:20:13,380 --> 00:20:15,701 Jess and Casey. Jess and Casey. 364 00:20:16,220 --> 00:20:17,824 Jess and Casey. 365 00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:20,228 Jess and Casey. 366 00:20:21,019 --> 00:20:24,501 Why was I Bosley? There were three Angels. 367 00:20:24,660 --> 00:20:26,263 Okay. 368 00:20:26,420 --> 00:20:28,865 You know in Batman when that guy falls into the vat of acid 369 00:20:29,019 --> 00:20:30,181 and becomes the Joker? 370 00:20:30,339 --> 00:20:32,182 This was my "vat of acid" moment. 371 00:20:32,339 --> 00:20:35,105 My best friends made me the DUFF. 372 00:20:35,259 --> 00:20:38,230 And that made me... 373 00:20:38,579 --> 00:20:39,911 Angry. 374 00:20:44,980 --> 00:20:49,190 Bianca, let's go. You'll be late for school. 375 00:20:49,339 --> 00:20:51,626 The world gave me the gift of invisibility, 376 00:20:51,779 --> 00:20:54,385 a license to not give a shit. 377 00:20:54,579 --> 00:20:56,627 You look crazy. 378 00:20:56,779 --> 00:20:58,702 Crazy amazing. 379 00:21:25,619 --> 00:21:29,306 Oh, God, even my car's a DUFF. 380 00:21:35,660 --> 00:21:38,584 I couldn't even look at Jess and Casey, they made me so mad. 381 00:21:38,740 --> 00:21:42,825 Our entire friendship was a sham, and everyone knew but me. 382 00:21:43,059 --> 00:21:44,982 Hey, B, will you take a look at my fashion piece? 383 00:21:45,140 --> 00:21:47,221 I need a layman's opinion. 384 00:21:48,980 --> 00:21:51,346 You're aware I'm a woman, right? 385 00:21:52,180 --> 00:21:54,261 What? Oh, no. "Layman," it's just a phrase. 386 00:21:54,420 --> 00:21:56,229 I just mean you're not a fashion expert. 387 00:21:56,380 --> 00:21:58,064 Oh, so I have bad style? 388 00:21:58,819 --> 00:22:01,106 Whoa, someone's in a mood. Lighten up. 389 00:22:01,259 --> 00:22:03,830 Lighten up? Because I'm so heavy? 390 00:22:04,500 --> 00:22:06,820 Is there a problem? 391 00:22:07,339 --> 00:22:09,068 Outside. 392 00:22:14,299 --> 00:22:17,906 How could you guys not tell me this whole time that I was your DUFF? 393 00:22:18,059 --> 00:22:21,746 - Our what? - Your Designated Ugly Fat Friend. 394 00:22:21,900 --> 00:22:24,869 Yeah, yeah. Wesley told me everything. 395 00:22:25,779 --> 00:22:28,863 He can't even spell. That's actually pretty creative for Wes. 396 00:22:29,980 --> 00:22:32,142 Since when do you care what Wesley Rush says? 397 00:22:32,339 --> 00:22:34,182 He says crazy stuff all the time. 398 00:22:34,700 --> 00:22:35,780 Because it makes sense. 399 00:22:35,940 --> 00:22:39,182 I mean, why else would two super hot, popular girls 400 00:22:39,339 --> 00:22:40,865 wanna be friends with somebody like me? 401 00:22:41,059 --> 00:22:43,506 It's because you're using me to make yourselves look better. 402 00:22:43,660 --> 00:22:46,345 Okay, just because you think one of us is better-looking than you... 403 00:22:46,500 --> 00:22:49,151 Oh, my God. There it is, there it is. You know what? No, no, no. 404 00:22:49,299 --> 00:22:50,381 I'm glad you said that, 405 00:22:50,539 --> 00:22:54,260 because it makes what I'm about to do a whole lot easier. 406 00:22:57,779 --> 00:23:00,351 Yeah, go ahead and check them. 407 00:23:04,700 --> 00:23:06,509 Did you just unfriend me? 408 00:23:07,059 --> 00:23:08,391 You bet your ass I did. 409 00:23:09,420 --> 00:23:10,910 Well, fine. 410 00:23:11,059 --> 00:23:13,825 Then I am taking you off of Instagram. 411 00:23:14,660 --> 00:23:16,184 Well, hallelujah, okay? 412 00:23:16,339 --> 00:23:19,388 I don't have to look at pictures of your artisanal cappuccinos every morning. 413 00:23:19,539 --> 00:23:22,702 How dare you? You love those foam faces. They're foam-tastic. 414 00:23:23,619 --> 00:23:25,587 Look, we're going through something over here. 415 00:23:25,740 --> 00:23:27,230 Guess what else. 416 00:23:27,380 --> 00:23:29,382 Unfollowed y'all on Twitter. 417 00:23:29,539 --> 00:23:32,862 Oh, perfect. No more of Bianca's almost-ironic tweets for the day. 418 00:23:33,779 --> 00:23:37,022 Oh, that's rich, coming from this guy, who's RT'ing them all day long. 419 00:23:37,180 --> 00:23:38,465 They're pity RT's. 420 00:23:39,779 --> 00:23:40,941 You know what? 421 00:23:41,099 --> 00:23:43,943 I'm taking you off of my We Heart It and my Vine feed. 422 00:23:44,099 --> 00:23:46,467 Oh, great, because I don't like your loops, okay? 423 00:23:46,619 --> 00:23:49,509 And you know what else? I'm blocking your ass on Tumblr. 424 00:23:49,660 --> 00:23:51,662 And you, you're off my Snapchat. 425 00:23:51,819 --> 00:23:53,470 Well, fine. 426 00:23:53,619 --> 00:23:56,942 - Fine. - Fine. 427 00:23:57,099 --> 00:23:59,579 I'm a free woman. 428 00:24:01,460 --> 00:24:04,588 And don't you dare be creeping on my Pinterest, whores. 429 00:24:04,740 --> 00:24:07,788 I'm so sorry, Susan. I'll see you tomorrow. 430 00:24:12,099 --> 00:24:14,022 Wes had made me see the school differently, 431 00:24:14,180 --> 00:24:16,386 and I wasn't happy about it. 432 00:24:24,940 --> 00:24:27,750 It didn't matter what group you were in, it was unavoidable. 433 00:24:27,900 --> 00:24:30,743 Even if you weren't in a group, like Creepy Carrie Raskowitz. 434 00:24:30,900 --> 00:24:33,186 I'm my own best friend. 435 00:24:37,539 --> 00:24:41,260 Did any of these people know where they stood in the social hierarchy? 436 00:24:51,220 --> 00:24:53,028 Cool socks. 437 00:24:53,380 --> 00:24:54,506 Really dig them. 438 00:24:57,539 --> 00:24:59,541 I wanna make out with your face. 439 00:24:59,740 --> 00:25:03,825 Good, because my face wants you to make out with it. 440 00:25:16,700 --> 00:25:18,429 Socks? 441 00:25:18,859 --> 00:25:20,349 They... 442 00:25:24,019 --> 00:25:25,589 What the...? 443 00:25:30,819 --> 00:25:33,903 I never knew why I couldn't talk to Toby. 444 00:25:34,059 --> 00:25:35,710 Now I did. 445 00:25:35,900 --> 00:25:39,268 Because, like everyone else in school, he knew what I was. 446 00:25:39,420 --> 00:25:41,740 And subconsciously I knew it too. 447 00:25:41,900 --> 00:25:44,221 It was all so easy for Wes. 448 00:25:44,380 --> 00:25:46,144 Look, I'm no wine expert, but I'm pretty sure 449 00:25:46,299 --> 00:25:47,789 you mix red and white, you get rose. 450 00:25:47,940 --> 00:25:50,067 - He could talk to anyone. - Wesley. 451 00:25:50,220 --> 00:25:51,300 Back to work. 452 00:26:01,740 --> 00:26:04,220 Take a seat, Mr. Rush. 453 00:26:05,339 --> 00:26:07,911 That's your third F. I don't know what's going on with you. 454 00:26:08,099 --> 00:26:09,784 But the principal and I talked and we decided 455 00:26:09,940 --> 00:26:13,022 until you get your grades up, you're suspended from the team. 456 00:26:13,180 --> 00:26:15,467 Well, can't we talk to Coach Grant about it? 457 00:26:15,619 --> 00:26:18,669 Yeah, Coach Grant agrees with my decision. 458 00:26:19,259 --> 00:26:22,423 Okay, okay, look, I can't lose my scholarship. 459 00:26:22,940 --> 00:26:25,181 It's the only way I can get into college. 460 00:26:25,339 --> 00:26:27,865 I wish you would've thought of that before. 461 00:26:39,099 --> 00:26:40,339 You want me to what? 462 00:26:40,500 --> 00:26:43,344 I don't wanna be anybody's DUFF anymore, okay? 463 00:26:43,500 --> 00:26:45,308 I wanna be my own person. 464 00:26:45,460 --> 00:26:48,942 I'm tired of being the approachable one. 465 00:26:49,140 --> 00:26:51,346 I wanna be the dateable one. 466 00:26:52,299 --> 00:26:54,427 You're asking me for dating advice? 467 00:26:54,579 --> 00:26:57,423 Today of all days? Are you kidding me? 468 00:26:58,299 --> 00:27:00,621 Look, I have a crush on this boy. 469 00:27:00,819 --> 00:27:03,346 His name's Toby Tucker. Maybe you've heard of him. 470 00:27:03,500 --> 00:27:05,740 Well, I can't seem to talk to him 471 00:27:05,900 --> 00:27:08,141 without making a total ass of myself, okay? 472 00:27:08,299 --> 00:27:09,869 And you never seem to have this problem. 473 00:27:10,019 --> 00:27:13,262 - Don't you hate me? - I'm glad you asked. Yes, I do. 474 00:27:13,460 --> 00:27:15,861 But only because you're a dipshit and a man-whore. 475 00:27:16,019 --> 00:27:17,749 But you're the only one in this whole school 476 00:27:17,900 --> 00:27:19,424 who told me what was actually going on. 477 00:27:19,579 --> 00:27:22,345 So you're an honest dipshit, and that's what counts. 478 00:27:22,500 --> 00:27:23,865 - Thanks? - Can we just...? 479 00:27:24,019 --> 00:27:26,067 Can we just cool it for a second? 480 00:27:26,859 --> 00:27:29,670 Okay, here's my offer. 481 00:27:29,980 --> 00:27:33,507 I will make sure you pass science if you help me with this. 482 00:27:35,500 --> 00:27:38,503 I mean, you got the easy part. You could pass science in your sleep. 483 00:27:38,660 --> 00:27:41,549 I have to reverse-DUFF you. Are you wearing pajamas? 484 00:27:41,700 --> 00:27:43,906 Oh, my God. You know, I get it Wesley, okay? 485 00:27:44,059 --> 00:27:46,426 I'm disgusting. I'm a swamp thing. 486 00:27:46,579 --> 00:27:49,345 - I'm a regular Bela Lugosi. - Who? 487 00:27:49,500 --> 00:27:52,309 I can't even believe I thought that I could ask you something like this. 488 00:27:52,460 --> 00:27:53,540 Just forget it. 489 00:27:53,700 --> 00:27:57,102 You know, have fun playing intramural Wii golf this season, dick face. 490 00:27:57,859 --> 00:27:59,066 Okay, okay, okay. 491 00:27:59,619 --> 00:28:01,030 Come here. 492 00:28:03,339 --> 00:28:05,911 Look, I'm an idiot. 493 00:28:06,059 --> 00:28:08,539 And idiots don't exactly give great advice. 494 00:28:10,019 --> 00:28:12,386 Well, look at it this way. 495 00:28:12,539 --> 00:28:15,066 It's not like you could make me any more awkward, right? 496 00:28:15,220 --> 00:28:16,744 That's true. 497 00:28:17,819 --> 00:28:20,346 See? Idiot. 498 00:28:21,539 --> 00:28:23,269 So, you'll do it? 499 00:28:25,220 --> 00:28:26,221 - Yeah. - Yes. 500 00:28:26,380 --> 00:28:27,506 On one condition. 501 00:28:27,700 --> 00:28:29,701 You gotta ask me in monster voice. 502 00:28:29,859 --> 00:28:32,306 - Wesley. Monster voice? - Yeah. 503 00:28:32,460 --> 00:28:33,904 From when we were little? 504 00:28:34,059 --> 00:28:35,743 No, I don't... I don't remember it. 505 00:28:35,900 --> 00:28:36,947 - You sure? - Yes, I don't... 506 00:28:37,099 --> 00:28:38,670 - I couldn't even... - Okay. 507 00:28:42,819 --> 00:28:45,824 Bianca need Wesley help. 508 00:28:45,980 --> 00:28:50,269 Please, Wesley, help Bianca? 509 00:28:50,660 --> 00:28:52,662 - There you go. - That's not bad. You still got it. 510 00:28:52,819 --> 00:28:54,423 So easily amused. 511 00:28:54,579 --> 00:28:57,265 - We got a deal? - Yeah. 512 00:28:58,099 --> 00:29:00,750 - I was just going low, that's all. - Just... 513 00:29:01,259 --> 00:29:02,546 - Yes. All right. - Okay. 514 00:29:02,700 --> 00:29:05,101 So, you have to pass the chemistry midterm, okay? 515 00:29:05,259 --> 00:29:07,023 - So, we'll focus on that first. - Yeah. 516 00:29:07,180 --> 00:29:09,580 And where do we start with me? 517 00:29:11,099 --> 00:29:14,104 - The mall, noon, Saturday. - All right, cool. 518 00:29:14,259 --> 00:29:16,103 Will there be a lot of walking, though? 519 00:29:16,259 --> 00:29:18,626 Because I'll wear my Shape-ups. Having some... 520 00:29:18,779 --> 00:29:20,463 Text me. 521 00:29:20,619 --> 00:29:22,748 I was nervous, relying on the school Neanderthal, 522 00:29:22,900 --> 00:29:24,709 but what was the worst he could do? 523 00:29:24,859 --> 00:29:27,784 - Are you kidding me with this? - I'm not. 524 00:29:27,940 --> 00:29:31,467 Wes, if I wanted to go shopping and talk about girly stuff, 525 00:29:31,619 --> 00:29:33,304 I could've done that with Jess and Casey. 526 00:29:33,460 --> 00:29:35,905 - I need you to give me real talk. - Real talk? 527 00:29:36,099 --> 00:29:38,625 You got a uniboob, your posture sucks, and your clothes fit weird 528 00:29:38,779 --> 00:29:41,226 because you wear the wrong size bra. Boom, real talk. 529 00:29:42,299 --> 00:29:44,189 I watch a lot of Project Runway. What's up? 530 00:29:44,339 --> 00:29:46,740 Step one: first impressions matter, 531 00:29:46,940 --> 00:29:48,509 so take some pride in your appearance. 532 00:29:48,660 --> 00:29:50,788 Ladies, this is Bianca. 533 00:29:50,940 --> 00:29:53,546 Take good care of her. I'm gonna get the hell out of this section. 534 00:29:53,740 --> 00:29:54,980 Wes, no, don't go. 535 00:30:03,339 --> 00:30:06,344 - What do you think? - Hey, look at those. 536 00:30:06,500 --> 00:30:09,470 - You... You look great. - Thanks. That's enough. 537 00:30:09,619 --> 00:30:11,144 - Well, I know my boobs. - Okay. 538 00:30:11,339 --> 00:30:13,023 - Can we leave? - Definitely not. 539 00:30:13,220 --> 00:30:16,508 We've got the whole place. We are just getting started. 540 00:30:16,660 --> 00:30:19,663 Step two: time to show the world who you are. 541 00:30:19,819 --> 00:30:22,346 The truth is, I don't know who you are from your clothes, okay? 542 00:30:22,500 --> 00:30:25,742 You need to start dressing more like you, and less like Wreck-It Ralph. 543 00:30:27,420 --> 00:30:29,900 - Fine. - Dressing rooms are back there, 544 00:30:30,059 --> 00:30:33,064 and maybe try on a new attitude while you're at it. 545 00:30:35,940 --> 00:30:37,270 Get in there. 546 00:30:38,140 --> 00:30:40,825 Can we please just make this quick? 547 00:30:47,779 --> 00:30:49,144 Okay, next. 548 00:30:52,099 --> 00:30:54,579 - Try to keep it in your pants. - Next. 549 00:30:56,380 --> 00:30:59,509 - Nope. - This one might be my favorite yet. 550 00:30:59,660 --> 00:31:01,469 It's not that bad. 551 00:31:02,500 --> 00:31:04,662 Okay, perfect. Hold that pose. 552 00:31:04,819 --> 00:31:06,105 Are you filming me? 553 00:31:06,259 --> 00:31:08,307 Game tape, for review. This is what you look like 554 00:31:08,460 --> 00:31:12,145 when you're not overthinking things, actually having some fun. 555 00:31:12,420 --> 00:31:16,141 If anybody ever sees this, I'll rip your nut sack off. 556 00:31:16,299 --> 00:31:17,825 I'll rip it right off. 557 00:31:18,339 --> 00:31:20,626 - Okay. - Rip it. 558 00:31:20,779 --> 00:31:23,259 Super aggressive. Look, if this is gonna work, 559 00:31:23,420 --> 00:31:25,787 you gotta lighten up, and you're gonna have to trust me. 560 00:31:31,059 --> 00:31:32,824 All right. 561 00:31:32,980 --> 00:31:35,221 - It's go time. - Okay. 562 00:31:35,660 --> 00:31:37,901 Here we go. Yeah. 563 00:31:38,059 --> 00:31:39,391 Rub the belly. 564 00:31:41,940 --> 00:31:44,420 Oh, yeah. You got moves. 565 00:31:49,259 --> 00:31:50,864 No. 566 00:31:51,500 --> 00:31:52,944 Okay, dancing makes it worse. 567 00:31:57,259 --> 00:31:59,990 No, no, still worse. 568 00:32:00,140 --> 00:32:03,029 - Is that good? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 569 00:32:03,180 --> 00:32:04,670 Are you twerking? 570 00:32:09,299 --> 00:32:10,461 What's that? 571 00:32:10,619 --> 00:32:12,144 Oh, my God. 572 00:32:15,339 --> 00:32:17,023 This is just getting weird now. 573 00:32:18,539 --> 00:32:20,269 Look out. Okay. 574 00:32:20,420 --> 00:32:21,990 It's a little weird now. 575 00:32:22,579 --> 00:32:24,787 - Yeah. - Okay, I think... I think we're good. 576 00:32:24,940 --> 00:32:26,544 We're... No? You're... 577 00:32:26,700 --> 00:32:30,146 Actually, I've been meaning to talk to you, Toby. 578 00:32:30,299 --> 00:32:33,587 I'm really, really into you. 579 00:32:33,779 --> 00:32:35,862 Don't tell me. Tell Toby. 580 00:32:36,019 --> 00:32:39,068 Toby Tucker. I didn't know you were here. 581 00:32:39,220 --> 00:32:40,824 I have feelings for you. 582 00:32:41,299 --> 00:32:42,425 Look at me, Toby. 583 00:32:42,619 --> 00:32:44,748 Don't look at me. Look at me. 584 00:32:44,900 --> 00:32:46,584 Put your arm around me. 585 00:32:47,500 --> 00:32:48,547 Toby... 586 00:32:48,700 --> 00:32:50,588 You're a little excited, aren't you? Toby... 587 00:32:51,140 --> 00:32:55,701 Toby, that is unbelievably inappropriate. 588 00:32:55,859 --> 00:32:57,624 But it doesn't feel bad. 589 00:32:57,779 --> 00:32:59,430 - Okay. - I need to talk to you, Toby. 590 00:32:59,579 --> 00:33:02,788 Oh, God, I want you so bad. Toby... 591 00:33:04,299 --> 00:33:06,779 I'm gonna change. We should... We should go. 592 00:33:15,900 --> 00:33:18,346 What the shit? 593 00:33:19,019 --> 00:33:21,590 You're messing with the wrong girl. 594 00:33:22,619 --> 00:33:26,021 Looks like the lessons are off to a real great start there, coachy. 595 00:33:26,180 --> 00:33:28,865 - Oh, did you have fun in here? - No. 596 00:33:29,019 --> 00:33:30,703 No? 597 00:33:31,259 --> 00:33:32,785 You sure about that? 598 00:33:32,940 --> 00:33:34,863 Oh, God, please, make it... 599 00:33:35,019 --> 00:33:36,545 - Make it go away. It's very bad. - No. 600 00:33:36,700 --> 00:33:38,827 Step three, okay? Smile more. 601 00:33:38,980 --> 00:33:40,663 You're really cute when you're having fun. 602 00:33:40,819 --> 00:33:44,188 So we are off to a great start, smart-ass. 603 00:33:55,940 --> 00:33:57,464 Try it on. 604 00:34:01,779 --> 00:34:05,910 You know, I'm really tired. I think we should just take a break. 605 00:34:06,059 --> 00:34:07,391 Okay. 606 00:34:11,219 --> 00:34:14,588 All right, what are you really looking to get out of your boy, Tony? 607 00:34:14,739 --> 00:34:17,983 - Toby. - Tuba? You wanna blow his horn? 608 00:34:18,139 --> 00:34:19,949 Put your hand on his instrument? Little: 609 00:34:20,940 --> 00:34:23,101 Was that a little laugh? There was a little laugh there. 610 00:34:23,300 --> 00:34:25,746 - You laughed. You did laugh. - I had a small stroke. 611 00:34:25,900 --> 00:34:28,141 Yeah, like a midget jerking it. 612 00:34:30,340 --> 00:34:32,342 You get it? Because he's small? 613 00:34:34,780 --> 00:34:36,384 That was... 614 00:34:36,539 --> 00:34:38,065 Okay, fine. 615 00:34:38,219 --> 00:34:40,028 Talking to Toby scares you, right? 616 00:34:40,179 --> 00:34:44,981 The only way to get over it is to face it right here, right now. 617 00:34:45,139 --> 00:34:46,869 See Sweater Guy over there? 618 00:34:47,420 --> 00:34:51,106 I want you to walk over and get his phone number. 619 00:34:52,460 --> 00:34:54,224 - No. - Be totally gangster about it, okay? 620 00:34:54,420 --> 00:34:57,264 Just say, "I could tell from across the room we might be into each other. 621 00:34:57,460 --> 00:35:00,144 Now that I'm here, I know it. Your move." 622 00:35:01,179 --> 00:35:02,340 - Have you met me? - Okay. 623 00:35:02,500 --> 00:35:04,184 I couldn't get through three words of that. 624 00:35:04,340 --> 00:35:07,025 All right, walk over and say, "Hey there." 625 00:35:07,500 --> 00:35:09,389 - "Hey there"? - Hop up. 626 00:35:09,539 --> 00:35:11,224 Get up. 627 00:35:12,139 --> 00:35:14,380 All right, deep breath. 628 00:35:14,539 --> 00:35:16,224 Shoulders back. 629 00:35:16,380 --> 00:35:17,505 Lick your lips a little bit. 630 00:35:19,860 --> 00:35:22,829 Don't worry about the lips. Go, strut your stuff. 631 00:35:22,980 --> 00:35:24,902 Like a peacock. 632 00:35:38,460 --> 00:35:39,507 Hey there. 633 00:35:40,019 --> 00:35:42,181 Hey there. 634 00:35:42,659 --> 00:35:46,789 Is that a wiener in your mouth or are you just happy to see me? 635 00:35:47,780 --> 00:35:50,306 No, it's a bratwurst. 636 00:35:50,460 --> 00:35:52,349 Oh, yeah. No. 637 00:35:52,500 --> 00:35:56,585 But is there a place to get a hotdog here in this mall or...? 638 00:35:56,739 --> 00:35:58,344 Yeah. 639 00:35:59,860 --> 00:36:01,827 Oh, hey. 640 00:36:03,099 --> 00:36:04,181 Right? 641 00:36:04,340 --> 00:36:05,387 - Okay. - Okay. 642 00:36:05,539 --> 00:36:07,030 Bye-bye. 643 00:36:09,780 --> 00:36:14,068 Did you want to go out with me, though? 644 00:36:14,539 --> 00:36:15,746 Out where? 645 00:36:15,900 --> 00:36:17,664 To dates? 646 00:36:17,820 --> 00:36:19,867 To a date? On a date? To a date? 647 00:36:20,980 --> 00:36:22,425 No. 648 00:36:22,860 --> 00:36:24,021 No. Okay. 649 00:36:24,460 --> 00:36:26,621 Oh, you're good. 650 00:36:28,380 --> 00:36:29,710 You're good. 651 00:36:29,860 --> 00:36:30,940 Where are the cameras? 652 00:36:31,139 --> 00:36:32,983 - Oh, of course. - It's a YouTube video, right? 653 00:36:33,179 --> 00:36:34,704 - It's a joke. - It's a YouTube video? 654 00:36:34,860 --> 00:36:36,782 Who would wanna go out with this guy, right? 655 00:36:36,980 --> 00:36:38,822 - Oh, man, you're so good. - Thank you so much. 656 00:36:39,019 --> 00:36:40,385 - Thank you. - Totally believable. 657 00:36:40,539 --> 00:36:41,541 Great. Thank you. 658 00:36:41,699 --> 00:36:43,748 - How many hits did this get? - Lot of hits. 659 00:36:43,940 --> 00:36:46,465 I'm taking a lot of hits today. All right, see you later. 660 00:36:46,619 --> 00:36:47,701 - Cool. - Okay. 661 00:36:47,860 --> 00:36:50,909 - Where can I find it online? - Yep, bye. 662 00:36:51,099 --> 00:36:54,309 Man, so many unanswered questions. 663 00:36:54,460 --> 00:36:56,940 Really good. Thank you so much for that, teach. 664 00:36:57,099 --> 00:36:59,068 That was an awesome lesson. I'm humiliated. 665 00:36:59,219 --> 00:37:01,541 Okay, look, it was just the tryouts, all right? 666 00:37:01,699 --> 00:37:03,940 We're sizing up your strengths and weaknesses. 667 00:37:05,460 --> 00:37:06,746 - And? - And... 668 00:37:06,900 --> 00:37:09,221 You're horrible. I hope you like cats. 669 00:37:09,380 --> 00:37:10,541 Kidding. 670 00:37:10,699 --> 00:37:13,670 Next mission is to talk to 15 guys. 671 00:37:13,820 --> 00:37:18,108 Yeah, 15 guys, without completely falling apart, okay? 672 00:37:18,260 --> 00:37:20,911 Step five: take a few hits. 673 00:37:26,820 --> 00:37:28,469 Nope. Okay. 674 00:37:28,619 --> 00:37:32,864 I can do this. How hard could it be? Just do it. 675 00:37:34,619 --> 00:37:36,349 Excuse me, I... 676 00:37:36,539 --> 00:37:38,349 can't do this. 677 00:37:39,500 --> 00:37:41,786 Hey, I see you have a reusable bag. 678 00:37:41,940 --> 00:37:43,590 You're not listening. 679 00:37:44,500 --> 00:37:46,389 Hey, is this seat taken? 680 00:37:46,539 --> 00:37:50,340 Oh, you're busy. I'll come back a little later. 681 00:37:51,780 --> 00:37:53,782 We have to stop meeting like this. 682 00:37:53,940 --> 00:37:56,545 You're always going up. 683 00:37:57,340 --> 00:38:00,150 Best part about it is it's glass. Sure, it's cumbersome to carry around, 684 00:38:00,300 --> 00:38:01,869 but I don't wanna have breast cancer 685 00:38:02,059 --> 00:38:04,666 because I'm drinking out of plastic water bottles my whole life. 686 00:38:04,860 --> 00:38:06,385 It's not really worth it, you know. 687 00:38:06,539 --> 00:38:10,260 Like, in Japan, the... You have to go? Okay. 688 00:38:16,300 --> 00:38:18,143 Long day, huh? 689 00:38:19,340 --> 00:38:20,387 Too long. 690 00:38:21,699 --> 00:38:25,068 - Just get off work? - Kind of. 691 00:38:25,219 --> 00:38:27,507 - Do you work here too? - Oh, I'm at the yogurt place. 692 00:38:27,659 --> 00:38:30,708 I'm a toppings consultant. 693 00:38:30,860 --> 00:38:33,510 Oh, my God. I didn't even know they had those. 694 00:38:33,659 --> 00:38:37,869 I've actually been making a lot of poor choices with my toppings lately. 695 00:38:38,059 --> 00:38:40,347 Oh, have you? Well, I got a card I can give you. 696 00:38:40,500 --> 00:38:42,025 - I'm Allen. - Hey, Bianca. 697 00:38:42,179 --> 00:38:44,023 - Nice to meet you, Bianca. - Nice to meet you. 698 00:38:44,179 --> 00:38:45,909 All right, so, what's the number-one mistake 699 00:38:46,059 --> 00:38:48,027 that people make when it comes to toppings? 700 00:38:48,179 --> 00:38:49,545 Good question. 701 00:38:49,699 --> 00:38:51,030 - Granola. - Granola? 702 00:38:51,179 --> 00:38:52,465 - You wanna know why? - Yeah. 703 00:38:55,980 --> 00:38:58,824 Wes, I did it. I just got that guy's number. 704 00:38:58,980 --> 00:39:00,708 - Attagirl. - I know. 705 00:39:00,860 --> 00:39:03,021 Think I deserve a little treat. 706 00:39:03,179 --> 00:39:06,706 I'm telling you, I'd really lost hope around guy 17, you know. 707 00:39:06,860 --> 00:39:08,827 Then came guy 21. Couldn't shut him up. 708 00:39:08,980 --> 00:39:10,425 - Easy. - Real chatty Cathy. 709 00:39:10,579 --> 00:39:13,059 Easy. All right, don't get cocky. 710 00:39:13,260 --> 00:39:15,228 Today was only day one. 711 00:39:15,380 --> 00:39:18,030 Still, it felt pretty good, so... 712 00:39:18,219 --> 00:39:21,224 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 713 00:39:21,420 --> 00:39:23,865 All right, well, you held up your end of the bargain, 714 00:39:24,059 --> 00:39:26,710 so I guess I will hold up mine. 715 00:39:26,900 --> 00:39:28,708 Here are my chemistry notes, okay? 716 00:39:28,900 --> 00:39:32,063 Live by this, and you shall pass the midterm. 717 00:39:32,219 --> 00:39:34,143 Yeah. 718 00:39:35,739 --> 00:39:39,061 Enthalpy, entropy. 719 00:39:39,219 --> 00:39:40,869 Pauli exclusion principle? 720 00:39:41,019 --> 00:39:42,909 - I was... - Wesley? 721 00:39:43,300 --> 00:39:45,461 - Can we run? - She's coming over. 722 00:39:46,739 --> 00:39:49,106 Oh, my God. What a coincidence it is 723 00:39:49,260 --> 00:39:50,750 - seeing you here. - Hey. 724 00:39:50,900 --> 00:39:54,302 So, you two, huh? 725 00:39:55,059 --> 00:39:57,630 We're not... We're not here together. 726 00:39:57,780 --> 00:40:00,181 We just bumped into each other here. 727 00:40:00,340 --> 00:40:04,311 Yeah. No, obviously, I don't... I wouldn't wanna be... 728 00:40:04,460 --> 00:40:05,949 I couldn't possibly care less. 729 00:40:06,099 --> 00:40:07,704 Caitlyn, can you make sure you get a shot 730 00:40:07,900 --> 00:40:09,311 - of them together, please? - Yep. 731 00:40:09,860 --> 00:40:12,670 That's what sucking at life looks like. 732 00:40:21,619 --> 00:40:23,224 I'm gonna... 733 00:40:23,980 --> 00:40:26,347 - I'm gonna get started. - I have to... 734 00:40:26,539 --> 00:40:28,541 I am late for an event. 735 00:40:28,699 --> 00:40:31,385 - Yeah. - So I'm gonna... 736 00:40:31,900 --> 00:40:34,141 Mine is this way, though. 737 00:40:45,340 --> 00:40:47,740 What are you doing? 738 00:40:48,460 --> 00:40:52,704 You caught me. I'm uploading pictures to my profile. 739 00:40:52,900 --> 00:40:55,869 Just hang on a sec. They're still loading. 740 00:40:56,300 --> 00:40:58,222 Sorry, your profile for what? 741 00:40:58,380 --> 00:41:00,143 A dating site. I signed up for all of them. 742 00:41:00,300 --> 00:41:02,586 Match, eHarmony, ChristianMingle, JDate. 743 00:41:02,739 --> 00:41:05,346 JDate? You're not Jewish. 744 00:41:05,539 --> 00:41:07,860 I know. That just makes me more exotic on the site. 745 00:41:08,500 --> 00:41:09,547 Note to self. 746 00:41:09,699 --> 00:41:11,463 Okay, here we go. Here's my profile pic. 747 00:41:11,619 --> 00:41:13,987 - Tell me what you think. Be brutal. - Okay. 748 00:41:14,139 --> 00:41:16,666 Oh, you're gonna use the book picture? 749 00:41:16,820 --> 00:41:18,264 Oh, is it too formal? 750 00:41:18,420 --> 00:41:20,626 Well, it is a little... 751 00:41:20,780 --> 00:41:24,101 Well, it's either that or all the duck-head poses people do on here. 752 00:41:25,579 --> 00:41:26,706 Oh, no, no. 753 00:41:26,860 --> 00:41:30,831 Dear God, it's "duck face," and stop that forever. 754 00:41:31,019 --> 00:41:35,422 All right. I'm just trying to get more of these thingies, these flirties. 755 00:41:36,179 --> 00:41:38,307 This is a tough conversation for me. 756 00:41:38,460 --> 00:41:40,985 Let's focus on the picture. Here we go. 757 00:41:42,219 --> 00:41:45,030 Oh, look, arm-fold head-tilt. That's a classic. 758 00:41:45,179 --> 00:41:47,706 I think we can find something better. 759 00:41:47,860 --> 00:41:49,588 Let's see. Oh, yeah, what about this one? 760 00:41:49,739 --> 00:41:51,344 This is a good one. 761 00:41:52,179 --> 00:41:55,581 That was Florida. Seems like a long time ago. 762 00:41:55,739 --> 00:41:58,869 - Yeah, you look so relaxed and happy. - Yeah, well, I was. 763 00:41:59,019 --> 00:42:00,510 - There you go. - Thank you. 764 00:42:00,659 --> 00:42:02,661 This girl's gonna have the flirties rolling in. 765 00:42:02,820 --> 00:42:06,824 Well, we'll see. This is all so new for me. 766 00:42:07,460 --> 00:42:11,590 Well, it seems like we're both trying new things, then. 767 00:42:11,739 --> 00:42:16,427 What I'm talking about is a good, old-fashioned crush on a boy. 768 00:42:16,579 --> 00:42:20,471 - Yeah, his name is Toby. - Toby. 769 00:42:20,940 --> 00:42:24,148 Yeah, I was kind of having trouble getting him to notice me, 770 00:42:24,300 --> 00:42:27,269 so I've brought on a sensei. 771 00:42:28,980 --> 00:42:30,027 Wesley Rush. 772 00:42:30,780 --> 00:42:32,588 Wesley Rush? 773 00:42:32,739 --> 00:42:34,389 - From next door? - Okay. 774 00:42:34,539 --> 00:42:36,541 Honey, why don't you just go to Jess and Casey? 775 00:42:36,699 --> 00:42:39,067 You always trust their advice. 776 00:42:39,219 --> 00:42:43,065 I just thought I'd branch out. 777 00:42:43,579 --> 00:42:44,911 Okay. 778 00:42:45,780 --> 00:42:47,782 Actually, I mean, what had happened was, I was at... 779 00:42:47,940 --> 00:42:49,510 Was this sensei thing your idea? 780 00:42:50,260 --> 00:42:52,387 - Yeah, but I... - Good. 781 00:42:52,820 --> 00:42:55,186 That means you're being mentally tough and making decisions. 782 00:42:55,340 --> 00:42:57,023 That's what half of my last book was about. 783 00:42:57,179 --> 00:43:00,309 When you become proactive, your problems become subtractive, 784 00:43:00,460 --> 00:43:02,188 and then good things are bound to happen. 785 00:43:02,340 --> 00:43:06,981 Wow, okay. Little of the old proactive, subtractive. 786 00:43:07,139 --> 00:43:10,427 Got it. I'll remember that if you remember no more duck face. 787 00:43:10,619 --> 00:43:13,623 - No duck head. - Duck face. 788 00:43:15,099 --> 00:43:17,626 Oh, I got a flirty. 789 00:43:18,619 --> 00:43:21,021 Mazel tov, Dottie. 790 00:43:24,539 --> 00:43:26,541 Do you know what you're wearing for homecoming yet? 791 00:43:26,699 --> 00:43:29,226 Because I can't find anything. Do you think short, long? 792 00:43:29,380 --> 00:43:31,382 What do you think? 793 00:43:33,380 --> 00:43:37,942 Despite missing my ex-best friends, my mom was right. 794 00:43:38,099 --> 00:43:40,228 I could sense that good things were about to happen. 795 00:43:41,420 --> 00:43:42,831 Come on. 796 00:43:43,300 --> 00:43:45,427 - It's been two weeks. This is crazy. - I know. 797 00:43:52,980 --> 00:43:55,300 Toby Tucker, I've loved you for a long time. 798 00:43:55,780 --> 00:43:57,509 - Mr. Tucker. - Wes. 799 00:43:57,659 --> 00:44:00,061 Oh, my God. Big, fat ass. 800 00:44:01,460 --> 00:44:02,746 Big, fat ass. 801 00:44:04,099 --> 00:44:06,228 Jiggle, jiggle, jiggle. 802 00:44:06,980 --> 00:44:08,425 At least it only has six views. 803 00:44:15,019 --> 00:44:16,431 Oh, Toby, don't stop. 804 00:44:16,579 --> 00:44:18,230 Don't stop. 805 00:44:18,380 --> 00:44:19,949 I wanna be your wife. 806 00:44:20,099 --> 00:44:22,420 How do we look together? How do we look together? 807 00:44:22,579 --> 00:44:24,070 - The most beautiful couple? - My God. 808 00:44:25,420 --> 00:44:27,148 Is that Bianca Piper? 809 00:44:27,300 --> 00:44:29,871 Yep. Oh, my God, that is so horrible. 810 00:44:30,019 --> 00:44:32,909 I would hate it if that was me and people saw this. 811 00:44:33,059 --> 00:44:36,188 - I should totally forward this. - Me too. 812 00:44:36,340 --> 00:44:38,068 - Viral? - Viral. 813 00:45:07,500 --> 00:45:09,103 Oh, Toby. 814 00:45:55,940 --> 00:45:57,782 Did you read the comments on that video? 815 00:45:57,940 --> 00:46:01,182 Yeah. It says, "That mannequin just made out with a five." 816 00:46:01,340 --> 00:46:04,025 Oh, my God, he called her a five. 817 00:46:04,179 --> 00:46:08,025 "Bianca Piper's ass means the terrorists have won." 818 00:46:08,179 --> 00:46:09,670 I feel bad for Toby. 819 00:46:09,820 --> 00:46:12,300 "Flash mob hump session on Toby at 3:30"? 820 00:46:12,460 --> 00:46:16,909 - He's gotta be so embarrassed. - His senior year is going to suck. 821 00:46:20,860 --> 00:46:22,748 They do not clean those mirrors. 822 00:46:22,940 --> 00:46:25,625 - Oh, that is awful. - Whatever. 823 00:46:25,780 --> 00:46:28,510 Listen, she's the one that ended things with us, Jess. 824 00:46:28,659 --> 00:46:31,425 - I love your eyes, they're so... - Just make that go away. 825 00:46:31,579 --> 00:46:34,106 - Toby... - Casey, shut the site down now. 826 00:46:34,260 --> 00:46:35,670 Okay, fine. 827 00:46:36,659 --> 00:46:38,469 Oh, my... 828 00:46:39,300 --> 00:46:42,668 You know Bianca well. Do you think she'd put this up to get attention? 829 00:46:46,900 --> 00:46:48,867 Not likely. 830 00:46:49,019 --> 00:46:51,101 Don't we just look so cute together? 831 00:46:53,900 --> 00:46:55,664 Problem solved. 832 00:46:56,340 --> 00:46:58,387 Solved my ass. 833 00:46:58,539 --> 00:47:01,907 This school, this entire school, is filled with cyber bullies. 834 00:47:02,099 --> 00:47:04,989 Do you know what that means? That means retaliation videos. 835 00:47:05,139 --> 00:47:06,664 Comments, likes, tweets, memes, 836 00:47:06,860 --> 00:47:09,625 and whatever the hell else they do to each other nowadays. 837 00:47:09,820 --> 00:47:11,150 It's like a prison yard out there. 838 00:47:11,300 --> 00:47:13,746 Look, don't you think you're overreacting just a little bit? 839 00:47:13,900 --> 00:47:15,139 Have you not seen Dateline? 840 00:47:15,300 --> 00:47:17,347 Catfish? Pretty Little Liars? 841 00:47:17,500 --> 00:47:18,831 - What? - Nothing. 842 00:47:19,380 --> 00:47:21,985 Look, having had experience in this area, 843 00:47:22,139 --> 00:47:25,701 I think we gotta deal with this in a way that's private and sensitive. 844 00:47:25,860 --> 00:47:28,784 Yes, yes, we do not negotiate with terrorists. 845 00:47:29,179 --> 00:47:31,228 That is the opposite of what I just said. 846 00:47:35,219 --> 00:47:38,382 Attention, students. The halls of our prestigious institution 847 00:47:38,539 --> 00:47:43,148 have been compromised by the stench of cyber bullying. 848 00:47:43,300 --> 00:47:45,541 It is the stench of ones and zeroes, 849 00:47:45,699 --> 00:47:49,750 and electronic hardware probably manufactured somewhere in China. 850 00:47:49,940 --> 00:47:53,661 But these "YOLO terrorists" will not be tolerated. 851 00:47:53,860 --> 00:47:57,420 Malloy High will now be put under Internet martial law. 852 00:47:57,860 --> 00:47:59,827 - That's right. - Each student will be required 853 00:47:59,980 --> 00:48:02,869 to turn in their phones to teachers and retrieve at the end of the day 854 00:48:03,019 --> 00:48:05,226 until we have gotten to the bottom of this. 855 00:48:05,380 --> 00:48:08,429 No more phone. Oh, can you hear me now, jerks? 856 00:48:08,579 --> 00:48:11,469 There will be no Vine, no Flickr, no Tumblr, 857 00:48:11,619 --> 00:48:13,987 no Tinder, no Facebook, no Hulu, 858 00:48:14,139 --> 00:48:16,141 - Just say no Internet, we get it. - No Grindr, 859 00:48:16,340 --> 00:48:21,630 no WhatsApp, no Instagram, no Pinterest, no wiki anything. 860 00:48:22,420 --> 00:48:23,784 That is all. 861 00:48:23,940 --> 00:48:25,021 Fight on, Blue Devils. 862 00:48:25,179 --> 00:48:27,387 Oh, and remember, it gets better. 863 00:48:27,539 --> 00:48:29,349 - What? - You heard him. 864 00:48:29,500 --> 00:48:30,739 Drop them in the box. 865 00:48:30,940 --> 00:48:33,989 You can pick them up after school, maybe. 866 00:48:34,139 --> 00:48:37,110 God, I've waited a long time for this. 867 00:48:37,260 --> 00:48:39,103 All of them, Robert. 868 00:48:42,900 --> 00:48:45,585 All of them. 869 00:48:47,619 --> 00:48:49,110 Thank you. 870 00:48:51,619 --> 00:48:52,701 What's that buzzing I hear? 871 00:48:58,820 --> 00:48:59,900 Dick. 872 00:49:00,059 --> 00:49:02,108 That's gross. 873 00:49:02,619 --> 00:49:04,782 Oh, I don't think he meant me too. 874 00:49:04,940 --> 00:49:07,146 Hit "send," drop. 875 00:49:09,739 --> 00:49:12,311 When I went to high school in the '90s, we didn't have emoticons. 876 00:49:12,460 --> 00:49:14,621 We had actual facial expressions. 877 00:49:14,820 --> 00:49:16,150 Look into it. 878 00:49:16,860 --> 00:49:18,349 What's up, narc? 879 00:49:18,500 --> 00:49:20,820 Not only was I the school's most famous DUFF, 880 00:49:20,980 --> 00:49:22,630 I was now the least-liked person in it. 881 00:49:22,780 --> 00:49:25,670 - Thanks for destroying my life. - I just thought of something funny, 882 00:49:25,820 --> 00:49:27,947 and now nobody's gonna know. Hope you're happy. 883 00:49:28,099 --> 00:49:29,670 These are useless. 884 00:49:29,820 --> 00:49:32,505 It could not have gotten worse. 885 00:49:33,139 --> 00:49:34,380 Oh, wait. 886 00:49:34,539 --> 00:49:35,905 Of course, it could. 887 00:49:58,460 --> 00:50:00,143 Yeah, Matt and I, last cup, boom, hit it. 888 00:50:00,300 --> 00:50:01,347 You happy now? 889 00:50:02,099 --> 00:50:03,465 Is this one of your lessons? 890 00:50:03,659 --> 00:50:07,550 Hey, dummy humper, I found you a new boyfriend in health class. 891 00:50:07,699 --> 00:50:08,940 This is Toby too. 892 00:50:09,099 --> 00:50:10,510 What do you think? 893 00:50:10,659 --> 00:50:11,740 Oh, Toby. 894 00:50:12,260 --> 00:50:13,989 Oh, just give it to me, Toby. 895 00:50:14,139 --> 00:50:17,302 Oh, just a little pinch right there. Just... Oh, he's dirty. 896 00:50:17,460 --> 00:50:19,302 Oh, he's going to town on me, Toby. 897 00:50:19,460 --> 00:50:21,427 - Oh, Toby. - Are you gonna do anything? 898 00:50:21,579 --> 00:50:24,025 You're my special little Toby. I can take you home with me. 899 00:50:24,940 --> 00:50:26,907 Boobs look good. New bra? 900 00:50:29,340 --> 00:50:31,023 Thanks a lot. 901 00:50:32,619 --> 00:50:34,509 Oh, peaches and pears. 902 00:50:34,659 --> 00:50:37,027 - Can I have peaches and pears? - Okay. 903 00:50:52,500 --> 00:50:56,106 Hey, Bianca, it's Wesley. 904 00:51:00,739 --> 00:51:03,346 Hey, look, I just... I wanted to say that... 905 00:51:06,380 --> 00:51:07,541 Can I come in? 906 00:51:13,500 --> 00:51:15,150 I deserved that. 907 00:51:17,860 --> 00:51:19,190 Here. 908 00:51:19,940 --> 00:51:22,146 I promise, I didn't send the video, okay? 909 00:51:22,300 --> 00:51:24,871 I overheard Madison bragging about it to her friends. 910 00:51:25,019 --> 00:51:28,342 I mean, the angles weren't even from where I was sitting. 911 00:51:32,300 --> 00:51:33,824 Why is your hand messed up? 912 00:51:33,980 --> 00:51:37,382 Well, you're not the only one running around punching people today. 913 00:51:37,539 --> 00:51:39,702 No one else sees that video. Tell everyone. 914 00:51:39,860 --> 00:51:41,623 I don't know that many people. 915 00:51:41,780 --> 00:51:45,306 Well, make some more friends and tell them. 916 00:51:46,579 --> 00:51:47,661 What? 917 00:51:53,300 --> 00:51:54,983 Thanks. 918 00:51:55,539 --> 00:51:58,510 I've never had anybody go on a punching spree for me before. 919 00:51:58,980 --> 00:52:00,186 Well, don't get used to it. 920 00:52:00,340 --> 00:52:02,182 Now there's rumors going around I'm on 'roids. 921 00:52:02,900 --> 00:52:06,824 - Aren't you? - Well, irregardless... 922 00:52:06,980 --> 00:52:11,668 - Not a word. - Well, irregardless of that... 923 00:52:12,179 --> 00:52:14,342 - A little peace offering. - Oh, my God. 924 00:52:14,539 --> 00:52:17,907 Wes, the dress? 925 00:52:18,059 --> 00:52:19,505 You didn't have to do this. 926 00:52:19,659 --> 00:52:21,900 I never should've called you the DUFF, okay? 927 00:52:22,059 --> 00:52:23,869 That was stupid. 928 00:52:24,059 --> 00:52:26,744 - We good? - We're good. 929 00:52:26,900 --> 00:52:28,583 Thank you. 930 00:52:28,739 --> 00:52:31,869 You know what's not good is I saw Toby today. 931 00:52:32,059 --> 00:52:33,425 He could barely look at me. 932 00:52:33,579 --> 00:52:36,469 I think I'm just gonna, like, write him a really long letter 933 00:52:36,619 --> 00:52:37,666 just apologizing profusely 934 00:52:37,820 --> 00:52:40,221 and, you know, maybe send him an Edible Arrangement. 935 00:52:40,380 --> 00:52:41,619 Stop, stop. Edible Arrangement? 936 00:52:41,820 --> 00:52:44,630 Look, you don't have to apologize for anything, okay? 937 00:52:44,820 --> 00:52:47,061 - Step six... - Let's let the steps go. 938 00:52:47,219 --> 00:52:50,860 Step six: just own it. Grow some balls. 939 00:52:51,019 --> 00:52:55,184 Tell him you know the video sucks, but you're into him, and to deal with it. 940 00:52:55,340 --> 00:52:57,307 And if he's still weird, he's a jackass. 941 00:52:57,500 --> 00:52:59,501 Sometimes it's that simple. 942 00:52:59,659 --> 00:53:01,708 Now, I'm off to study Hess's law 943 00:53:01,860 --> 00:53:04,750 and how it relates to enthalpic chemical change. 944 00:53:05,699 --> 00:53:07,907 Who are you and what have you done with Wes? 945 00:53:08,059 --> 00:53:09,710 Or maybe I'll just Google celeb nip slips. 946 00:53:09,860 --> 00:53:11,349 Curtains open. 947 00:53:11,699 --> 00:53:13,110 - There he is. - See you tomorrow. 948 00:53:13,260 --> 00:53:14,784 See you. 949 00:53:18,380 --> 00:53:20,826 - Here are your phones, kids. - Thank you. 950 00:53:21,019 --> 00:53:24,547 - Thanks. - Oh, yeah. 951 00:53:25,579 --> 00:53:27,344 Thanks. 952 00:53:27,500 --> 00:53:28,831 Everyone, get your phones. 953 00:53:28,980 --> 00:53:30,266 Thank you. 954 00:53:31,099 --> 00:53:32,545 Hey, you're welcome. 955 00:53:37,059 --> 00:53:38,505 Hey there. 956 00:53:38,659 --> 00:53:39,945 Hey, Bianca. 957 00:53:41,300 --> 00:53:44,382 Got a second to talk to a fan? 958 00:53:44,539 --> 00:53:46,065 Yeah, sure, what's up? 959 00:53:47,260 --> 00:53:49,911 I'm assuming you've seen the video. 960 00:53:51,059 --> 00:53:54,382 - Yeah. - It's true. 961 00:53:54,539 --> 00:53:57,271 I am into you. 962 00:53:57,420 --> 00:54:00,309 And so I thought I should just be straightforward 963 00:54:00,460 --> 00:54:01,949 and tell you to your face. 964 00:54:03,860 --> 00:54:05,588 I'm flattered. 965 00:54:05,739 --> 00:54:07,025 And impressed. 966 00:54:08,420 --> 00:54:10,945 Not a lot of people would have the balls to say all that. 967 00:54:11,099 --> 00:54:13,023 Well, that's my whole thing. 968 00:54:13,179 --> 00:54:15,911 - Big old balls. - Right. 969 00:54:17,820 --> 00:54:20,585 I think this is the first time that you and I have ever really talked. 970 00:54:21,940 --> 00:54:23,021 It's kind of nice. 971 00:54:23,579 --> 00:54:25,389 Yeah, it is. 972 00:54:25,900 --> 00:54:27,628 - All right, well... - Okay. 973 00:54:27,780 --> 00:54:28,985 - Well, yeah. - So... 974 00:54:29,139 --> 00:54:31,746 - I'll see you around. - Okay. 975 00:54:31,900 --> 00:54:33,389 - All right. - Thanks. 976 00:54:33,539 --> 00:54:35,668 - See you. - Bye. 977 00:54:35,820 --> 00:54:37,947 Bye. We said it at the same time. 978 00:54:38,139 --> 00:54:40,141 - Bye-bye. - Bye. 979 00:54:40,739 --> 00:54:42,230 Oh, shit. 980 00:54:44,619 --> 00:54:46,543 We should hang out sometime. 981 00:54:47,420 --> 00:54:50,548 Yeah, I'd like that. 982 00:54:50,739 --> 00:54:53,505 - How's this Friday? - This Friday... 983 00:54:53,699 --> 00:54:56,943 is gonna be fine for me. It's good. 984 00:54:57,099 --> 00:54:58,340 Cool. Meet at my house? 985 00:54:58,539 --> 00:55:01,110 - Seven o'clock? - Yes, 7 is good. 986 00:55:01,260 --> 00:55:03,023 - All right. - See you. 987 00:55:03,179 --> 00:55:05,626 - Bye. - Bye. 988 00:55:05,780 --> 00:55:07,190 Bye. 989 00:55:26,980 --> 00:55:28,344 - Wes. - Hey. 990 00:55:28,500 --> 00:55:29,945 - What the hell? - You embarrassed? 991 00:55:30,099 --> 00:55:32,101 - Now you know how it feels. - Whoa, who let her in? 992 00:55:32,260 --> 00:55:35,264 - Wes? - Whoa, Bianca, what the hell is this? 993 00:55:35,420 --> 00:55:38,344 Kind of looks like a penis, only smaller. 994 00:55:38,980 --> 00:55:40,550 Wes? 995 00:55:41,539 --> 00:55:43,860 Wow, boys' locker room. Nice. 996 00:55:46,340 --> 00:55:50,025 I need to talk to you about something. 997 00:55:50,179 --> 00:55:52,547 - So... - What? 998 00:55:52,699 --> 00:55:55,670 - You have a question? - Yeah. Don't do that. 999 00:55:56,980 --> 00:55:58,583 Question? You do. 1000 00:55:58,739 --> 00:56:00,264 - Stop. - You don't. 1001 00:56:01,340 --> 00:56:03,103 Come on, please. It's important. 1002 00:56:03,260 --> 00:56:04,989 - What do you want? - Let's go. 1003 00:56:05,139 --> 00:56:06,585 Okay. 1004 00:56:08,539 --> 00:56:10,224 - So you asked him out? - Yeah. 1005 00:56:10,380 --> 00:56:11,460 - That's awesome. - Yeah. 1006 00:56:11,619 --> 00:56:13,429 What's the problem? 1007 00:56:13,619 --> 00:56:18,228 If you must know, I've never been on an actual date before. 1008 00:56:19,659 --> 00:56:21,947 Okay, okay. Sit down, sit down. 1009 00:56:22,099 --> 00:56:24,228 We got this. Come here. All right. 1010 00:56:28,860 --> 00:56:31,385 Step seven: the date. Okay, we need a plan. 1011 00:56:31,539 --> 00:56:34,510 You think a football team runs on the field without a strategy? 1012 00:56:35,699 --> 00:56:38,623 - Exactly, no. Of course, they don't. - No, of course, they don't. 1013 00:56:38,780 --> 00:56:41,750 You want this date to end with you making out, you need to think ahead. 1014 00:56:41,900 --> 00:56:44,744 So give me the vibe of the restaurant you're going for. 1015 00:56:44,900 --> 00:56:46,947 Okay, I'm thinking something kind of trendy, 1016 00:56:47,099 --> 00:56:49,228 you know, kind of hipster, maybe unique? 1017 00:56:49,380 --> 00:56:50,744 Done. Dave & Buster's. 1018 00:56:51,900 --> 00:56:55,108 - The place with the metal claw game? - You bet your ass. 1019 00:56:55,579 --> 00:56:59,027 Okay, you, Toby. Let's get started. 1020 00:56:59,940 --> 00:57:03,103 Worst scenario is if you get seated at a table right across from each other. 1021 00:57:03,260 --> 00:57:06,628 Okay, no one's making out if they're 3 feet apart. Simple geology. 1022 00:57:06,780 --> 00:57:08,782 You need a booth, okay? It's better for flirting, 1023 00:57:08,940 --> 00:57:12,989 not-so-accidental touching, making out. Game on. 1024 00:57:13,139 --> 00:57:16,382 Wow, I had no idea guys like you even thought about this kind of stuff. 1025 00:57:16,539 --> 00:57:19,987 Well, that's because you're racist against jocks. You're a jock-cist. 1026 00:57:20,539 --> 00:57:21,951 Okay, moving on. 1027 00:57:22,139 --> 00:57:24,347 Okay, so how do you set the tone at dinner? 1028 00:57:24,860 --> 00:57:29,023 Lighting matters, okay? The darker the booth, the better. 1029 00:57:29,739 --> 00:57:32,664 Lighting, dark booth. Got it. What's next? 1030 00:57:32,860 --> 00:57:33,940 Body language. 1031 00:57:34,820 --> 00:57:35,820 Is he leaning in? 1032 00:57:37,500 --> 00:57:39,820 - Is he sitting close? - I don't know... 1033 00:57:39,980 --> 00:57:41,708 And then it's all about interaction. 1034 00:57:41,860 --> 00:57:43,304 Is he trying to impress you? 1035 00:57:45,300 --> 00:57:48,110 Does he say complimentary things to you? 1036 00:57:48,260 --> 00:57:50,990 If yes, chances are he's gonna make his move. 1037 00:57:51,139 --> 00:57:53,268 And touchdown. 1038 00:57:53,460 --> 00:57:54,507 Wes. 1039 00:57:54,659 --> 00:57:56,661 I always wanted to do that to the coach's board. 1040 00:57:56,820 --> 00:57:58,788 It's big because it's on a chalkboard. 1041 00:57:58,940 --> 00:58:01,340 We gotta go. Come on. Let's go, let's go. 1042 00:58:03,659 --> 00:58:07,141 Hey, DUFF queen, wanna show me some of them moves? 1043 00:58:08,980 --> 00:58:10,550 - Bianca? - Yes. 1044 00:58:10,699 --> 00:58:13,021 The video was hysterical. Eat a dick. 1045 00:58:13,179 --> 00:58:16,070 Thanks. I just had a bagel, though, so I'm full. 1046 00:58:16,219 --> 00:58:18,905 Mr. Arthur, I'm really sorry. I... 1047 00:58:19,059 --> 00:58:21,539 No, don't worry about it. Step into my hallway. 1048 00:58:21,739 --> 00:58:25,186 I don't play favorites, but you're my favorite. 1049 00:58:26,340 --> 00:58:29,867 You ever heard the phrase, "The pen is mightier than the sword"? 1050 00:58:30,019 --> 00:58:31,862 Yeah, and in this case, 1051 00:58:32,019 --> 00:58:35,068 a bunch of kids anonymously typing whatever comments they want 1052 00:58:35,219 --> 00:58:36,744 feels like an atomic bomb, 1053 00:58:36,900 --> 00:58:39,869 and that's definitely mightier than a sword. 1054 00:58:40,019 --> 00:58:43,661 So make your writing have a positive effect. 1055 00:58:43,820 --> 00:58:46,630 As in a certain homecoming article that's due. 1056 00:58:46,780 --> 00:58:49,146 Oh, please, Mr. Arthur, 1057 00:58:49,300 --> 00:58:51,701 the last thing I wanna do is go to a place 1058 00:58:51,860 --> 00:58:54,021 where everybody hates me and then write about it. 1059 00:58:54,179 --> 00:58:56,068 I picked you for a reason. 1060 00:58:56,219 --> 00:59:00,190 And whatever you write, I'm running it as our lead, so make it count. 1061 00:59:00,340 --> 00:59:04,947 Inspire us. Remember, the pen is mightier than the sword. 1062 00:59:06,380 --> 00:59:08,427 Simon, get your finger out of there. 1063 00:59:08,619 --> 00:59:11,351 - You're not my father. - Yes, I am your daddy, Simon. 1064 00:59:14,539 --> 00:59:16,860 What do you want me to say? I have nothing to say. 1065 00:59:17,019 --> 00:59:20,661 I do everything around this house and you don't do... 1066 00:59:20,820 --> 00:59:23,027 - Oh, here we go. - Well, it's the truth. 1067 00:59:23,219 --> 00:59:24,585 Wesley, will you get the door?! 1068 00:59:24,739 --> 00:59:27,141 Oh, don't yell at him. He has nothing to do with this. 1069 00:59:27,300 --> 00:59:29,222 Save it for therapy, okay, honey? 1070 00:59:29,380 --> 00:59:32,827 - Wesley, get the door! - Okay, enough, I got it. 1071 00:59:33,019 --> 00:59:34,829 Hey, ready to go get down 1072 00:59:35,019 --> 00:59:38,501 - with some bro-valent electrons? - Yeah. 1073 00:59:46,139 --> 00:59:49,701 - Do you wanna talk about it? - I'd like to not talk. 1074 00:59:50,619 --> 00:59:52,748 Well, I know just the place. 1075 00:59:56,940 --> 00:59:59,465 You see why I need that scholarship? 1076 01:00:02,860 --> 01:00:04,782 Hey, B, where the hell are we going? 1077 01:00:04,940 --> 01:00:07,260 My special place. You'll see. 1078 01:00:07,500 --> 01:00:09,945 - Is this where you kill me? - Yes. 1079 01:00:10,139 --> 01:00:12,063 They're never gonna find you out here. 1080 01:00:16,579 --> 01:00:19,708 I give you Think Rock. 1081 01:00:23,420 --> 01:00:24,989 What happens here? 1082 01:00:25,139 --> 01:00:30,306 Well, it's gonna blow your mind, but sit on the rock. 1083 01:00:31,139 --> 01:00:32,141 Good, good. 1084 01:00:32,300 --> 01:00:35,668 And then you think. 1085 01:00:36,300 --> 01:00:37,824 Try it. 1086 01:00:42,860 --> 01:00:44,782 How'd you find this place? 1087 01:00:44,940 --> 01:00:47,260 I used to run up here a lot with Pepper, 1088 01:00:47,420 --> 01:00:51,505 and she would always make a direct beeline to this rock. 1089 01:00:51,659 --> 01:00:53,469 I remember Pepper. 1090 01:00:53,820 --> 01:00:55,423 How's she doing? 1091 01:00:56,099 --> 01:00:58,023 I guess she's okay. 1092 01:00:58,179 --> 01:01:01,422 When my parents got divorced, my mom wanted custody of me, 1093 01:01:01,579 --> 01:01:04,550 and my dad wanted custody of the dog. 1094 01:01:05,219 --> 01:01:08,860 Yeah, so I think that pretty much sums it up right there. 1095 01:01:15,219 --> 01:01:16,744 Are your...? 1096 01:01:17,860 --> 01:01:21,103 - Are your parents gonna get divorced? - God, I hope so. 1097 01:01:21,260 --> 01:01:23,786 I just... I... 1098 01:01:25,860 --> 01:01:27,543 It's okay. 1099 01:01:28,340 --> 01:01:30,103 It's not okay. 1100 01:01:31,179 --> 01:01:32,864 But it will be. 1101 01:01:33,460 --> 01:01:34,507 I promise. 1102 01:01:46,940 --> 01:01:49,750 I'm sorry, I didn't... 1103 01:01:49,900 --> 01:01:51,789 No, I... It's okay, I... 1104 01:01:51,940 --> 01:01:54,068 - What...? Were you...? - That... You know what? 1105 01:01:54,219 --> 01:01:58,110 That was... That was practice. 1106 01:01:58,420 --> 01:02:00,228 Sorry, practice for...? 1107 01:02:00,380 --> 01:02:03,144 For step eight, okay, for... Of the plan. 1108 01:02:03,300 --> 01:02:07,827 That was practice in case you hadn't made out with anyone in a while. 1109 01:02:09,820 --> 01:02:11,628 It's all part of the plan? 1110 01:02:11,780 --> 01:02:15,626 It's just practice, just a guerrilla-style practice session? 1111 01:02:15,780 --> 01:02:17,463 Sneak attack. 1112 01:02:18,380 --> 01:02:20,030 Really? 1113 01:02:20,940 --> 01:02:22,510 Okay. 1114 01:02:24,699 --> 01:02:27,021 Is that what it felt like? 1115 01:02:27,300 --> 01:02:31,748 That I hadn't made out with anyone in a while or whatever? 1116 01:02:31,900 --> 01:02:35,824 Well, I mean, I'm more of a tongue guy myself, but... 1117 01:02:35,980 --> 01:02:39,507 You don't say? I think I felt it poking out my butthole. 1118 01:02:39,659 --> 01:02:42,742 So far down my throat. 1119 01:02:43,539 --> 01:02:45,541 Are you giving me kissing advice? 1120 01:02:46,260 --> 01:02:47,704 Man, I guess I am. 1121 01:02:47,860 --> 01:02:50,101 - B. - You need it. 1122 01:02:50,420 --> 01:02:51,706 That's how people kiss. 1123 01:02:53,780 --> 01:02:55,349 In porn, maybe. 1124 01:02:55,500 --> 01:02:56,706 What's wrong with porn? 1125 01:02:56,860 --> 01:03:00,788 If this was a porn movie, we wouldn't be sitting on a rock having a conversation. 1126 01:03:00,980 --> 01:03:03,300 You know, you'd be bringing me a pizza 1127 01:03:03,460 --> 01:03:06,987 or, you know, cleaning my pool. 1128 01:03:07,139 --> 01:03:09,427 How old is the porn you're watching? 1129 01:03:09,579 --> 01:03:12,059 That doesn't... That's not... That's not even a thing anymore. 1130 01:03:12,219 --> 01:03:14,108 They don't do that? 1131 01:03:14,940 --> 01:03:16,668 All right, you know what? 1132 01:03:17,099 --> 01:03:18,829 I'm gonna give you a lesson. 1133 01:03:18,980 --> 01:03:21,505 It's gonna be free. The first one's always free. 1134 01:03:21,659 --> 01:03:23,788 All right, this is how girls like to be kissed. 1135 01:03:23,940 --> 01:03:26,181 - We're doing this? - We're doing this. 1136 01:03:27,460 --> 01:03:29,110 Close your eyes. 1137 01:03:29,659 --> 01:03:32,583 - Ready. - Okay, okay. Lean in. 1138 01:03:34,179 --> 01:03:36,751 Go slow, okay? Let the tension build. 1139 01:03:37,340 --> 01:03:38,501 So much to learn. 1140 01:03:38,659 --> 01:03:41,503 - Okay, ready? - No. 1141 01:03:42,579 --> 01:03:45,628 Okay, now lean in. 1142 01:03:46,059 --> 01:03:47,550 Slow. 1143 01:03:50,860 --> 01:03:52,510 Oh, no. 1144 01:03:52,659 --> 01:03:53,865 That was a good one. 1145 01:03:54,019 --> 01:03:56,864 You are a phenomenal kisser. 1146 01:03:57,219 --> 01:03:59,699 - Thank you. That's how we like it. - What is that? 1147 01:04:02,699 --> 01:04:04,782 Are you feeling a little better? 1148 01:04:05,539 --> 01:04:07,507 Yeah, okay, a little bit. 1149 01:04:07,940 --> 01:04:09,782 You're welcome. 1150 01:04:09,940 --> 01:04:11,101 Come on, let's go. 1151 01:04:11,300 --> 01:04:13,108 We have a date with the periodic chart. 1152 01:04:13,300 --> 01:04:15,701 The only periodic chart I know is the one that tells me 1153 01:04:15,860 --> 01:04:19,023 what time of the month to avoid Madison. Hey! 1154 01:04:19,219 --> 01:04:21,871 - I'm not gonna high-five you on that. - Come on, science jokes. 1155 01:04:22,059 --> 01:04:24,666 Know how they say, "The hills have eyes"? 1156 01:04:24,820 --> 01:04:26,423 Well, it turns out the shrubs have bitches 1157 01:04:26,579 --> 01:04:29,106 - who videotape everything. - Oh, here we go. 1158 01:04:29,260 --> 01:04:31,581 - Well, you don't. - You ever been kicked in the nuts? 1159 01:04:31,739 --> 01:04:34,902 Oh, God, you always come back with that. 1160 01:04:36,900 --> 01:04:40,666 - Hey, B. - Madison, how are you? 1161 01:04:40,820 --> 01:04:43,550 Do you wanna see something hysterical? Hold on. 1162 01:04:43,940 --> 01:04:45,623 Watch this. 1163 01:04:47,619 --> 01:04:50,021 Did you see the way that guy looked at you? 1164 01:04:50,179 --> 01:04:51,784 - This part's the best. - Definitely not. 1165 01:04:53,139 --> 01:04:54,824 Wait, just look at your face. 1166 01:04:55,860 --> 01:04:58,704 Oh, don't worry, it's a working title. 1167 01:04:58,860 --> 01:05:03,309 You know, I was thinking maybe "retail slut" or just "slut whore." 1168 01:05:03,820 --> 01:05:05,628 You thought the first video was bad. 1169 01:05:05,780 --> 01:05:08,146 Boy, this one's gonna destroy you. 1170 01:05:08,579 --> 01:05:10,105 What do you want from me? 1171 01:05:10,260 --> 01:05:13,422 Oh, I think it's adorable that Wesley indulged you in a pity make-out. 1172 01:05:13,579 --> 01:05:15,105 Oh, no, no. 1173 01:05:15,380 --> 01:05:17,188 I don't even know how you... 1174 01:05:17,340 --> 01:05:19,182 But it... That wasn't what it looked like. 1175 01:05:19,340 --> 01:05:20,751 Yeah, no shit, it's not. 1176 01:05:20,900 --> 01:05:22,947 Because Wesley and I are getting back together. 1177 01:05:24,699 --> 01:05:27,510 - Is Wesley aware of this? - He will be made aware. 1178 01:05:28,139 --> 01:05:32,110 - Look, Bianca, I've tried to be nice. - Have you? 1179 01:05:32,260 --> 01:05:33,989 So let me put this a little differently. 1180 01:05:34,139 --> 01:05:36,619 I don't like people thinking of my ex-boyfriend 1181 01:05:36,780 --> 01:05:38,463 hitting it with someone like you. 1182 01:05:38,619 --> 01:05:40,030 The thing you have to understand 1183 01:05:40,219 --> 01:05:43,985 is what happens in high school is gonna stay with us forever. 1184 01:05:44,179 --> 01:05:47,389 Most people don't think that, but then again, most people are losers. 1185 01:05:48,340 --> 01:05:51,548 - Fascinating. - People like me matter here. 1186 01:05:51,699 --> 01:05:53,623 People like you will never matter. 1187 01:05:54,340 --> 01:05:56,990 So stop messing it up for those of us who do. 1188 01:05:57,980 --> 01:05:59,708 See you in math. 1189 01:06:02,460 --> 01:06:03,985 In the past, her threat alone 1190 01:06:04,139 --> 01:06:06,108 would've been enough to make me hide under my bed. 1191 01:06:06,260 --> 01:06:09,706 But I wasn't even trying to hook up with Wesley Rush. 1192 01:06:09,860 --> 01:06:11,782 I couldn't even imagine it. 1193 01:06:14,019 --> 01:06:15,431 I'm horny for sex. 1194 01:06:16,739 --> 01:06:17,865 Oh, hey. 1195 01:06:18,019 --> 01:06:19,829 Someone's pool need cleaning? 1196 01:06:19,980 --> 01:06:22,186 Also I brought pizza. 1197 01:06:22,820 --> 01:06:26,505 And I like to have sex with girls. 1198 01:06:26,659 --> 01:06:28,661 I'm a girl. 1199 01:06:34,860 --> 01:06:36,271 Okay, maybe I could imagine it, 1200 01:06:36,420 --> 01:06:39,230 but I had to stay focused on my Toby mission. 1201 01:06:44,380 --> 01:06:46,746 Date night. I worked up all my courage 1202 01:06:46,900 --> 01:06:49,027 and tried on the dress Wesley gave me. 1203 01:06:49,179 --> 01:06:52,900 In my head, I think I was expecting some big reality-show reveal. 1204 01:06:53,059 --> 01:06:54,585 All right. 1205 01:06:54,860 --> 01:06:56,702 But it was just me. 1206 01:06:56,860 --> 01:06:58,748 Me in a dress. 1207 01:06:59,300 --> 01:07:01,871 Ma, I'm off to my big night. 1208 01:07:02,019 --> 01:07:03,909 Whoa, look at you. 1209 01:07:04,059 --> 01:07:05,630 Wow, look at you. 1210 01:07:05,780 --> 01:07:07,588 Look at you not in a pantsuit. 1211 01:07:07,739 --> 01:07:10,311 I know. I have my first Internet date. 1212 01:07:10,460 --> 01:07:14,067 We both like Thai food, are athletically toned and lying about it. 1213 01:07:14,219 --> 01:07:16,063 Oh, my God. 1214 01:07:16,219 --> 01:07:18,826 - That dress is beautiful on you. - Thanks. 1215 01:07:18,980 --> 01:07:21,505 - Wes gave it to me. - Oh, what are you two doing tonight? 1216 01:07:22,179 --> 01:07:24,786 Oh, no, not... I'm not going out with Wes. 1217 01:07:24,940 --> 01:07:28,103 I'm going out with Toby. Toby's the guy that I like. 1218 01:07:28,260 --> 01:07:29,909 Right, well, that should be fun. 1219 01:07:30,059 --> 01:07:33,507 Yeah. I actually kind of feel nervous about it 1220 01:07:33,659 --> 01:07:36,231 just because I feel like I might say something stupid, 1221 01:07:36,420 --> 01:07:38,661 - and I don't really know when... - Honey, stop. 1222 01:07:38,820 --> 01:07:42,028 Believe, retrieve, achieve. 1223 01:07:42,179 --> 01:07:44,068 It is a mantra that I teach all of my clients 1224 01:07:44,260 --> 01:07:45,750 who suffer from performance anxiety. 1225 01:07:45,900 --> 01:07:47,981 Believe it happened yesterday. 1226 01:07:48,179 --> 01:07:49,465 Retrieve your confidence. 1227 01:07:49,619 --> 01:07:51,030 Achieve your goals. 1228 01:07:51,179 --> 01:07:52,590 Just don't conceive. 1229 01:07:53,860 --> 01:07:57,864 Okay. Well, I'm off to do some believing and hopefully achieving. 1230 01:07:58,019 --> 01:08:00,465 - Love you, have fun. - Unless there was something else. 1231 01:08:01,019 --> 01:08:03,864 Nope, I'm good. See you, have fun. 1232 01:08:12,260 --> 01:08:14,945 Hey, look at you. 1233 01:08:15,099 --> 01:08:16,988 Studying almost like you were a real student. 1234 01:08:17,619 --> 01:08:19,827 Actually, I'm just waiting for strangers to walk by 1235 01:08:19,979 --> 01:08:21,788 so I can show them this bad boy. 1236 01:08:23,739 --> 01:08:26,868 Oh, you're not the only B in my life. Suck it, science. 1237 01:08:27,020 --> 01:08:28,748 That is actually incredible. 1238 01:08:28,899 --> 01:08:30,470 I can't believe it. Congratulations. 1239 01:08:30,619 --> 01:08:32,782 Coach says I might get to play some football this year. 1240 01:08:32,939 --> 01:08:34,180 What? 1241 01:08:34,340 --> 01:08:36,865 I'm so proud of you. Good job. 1242 01:08:41,979 --> 01:08:45,951 - My dress. - Not bad for a DUFF, am I right? 1243 01:08:46,340 --> 01:08:48,104 It's my big Toby date night. 1244 01:08:48,260 --> 01:08:50,103 Off to a nice evening 1245 01:08:50,260 --> 01:08:53,820 of talking about the finer things in life with a fellow intellectual? 1246 01:08:53,979 --> 01:08:56,346 Yes, please. 1247 01:08:57,819 --> 01:09:00,789 So, I mean, how do I look? Is this good, coach? Come on. 1248 01:09:01,979 --> 01:09:03,390 You look good. 1249 01:09:03,539 --> 01:09:06,510 Good? Wow, that's really a rave review. 1250 01:09:06,659 --> 01:09:10,585 I just mean that you look good, but you don't look like you. 1251 01:09:11,659 --> 01:09:14,105 What? What are you talking about? 1252 01:09:14,260 --> 01:09:18,185 - What do you mean? No, tell me. - Nothing, nothing. You look fantastic. 1253 01:09:18,340 --> 01:09:21,104 I got my grades up, you got your date. We're good. 1254 01:09:22,020 --> 01:09:24,704 - Are you sure? You're being weird. - You're being weird, okay? 1255 01:09:24,899 --> 01:09:27,028 - Go. - Okay, I'll tell you how it goes. 1256 01:09:27,180 --> 01:09:29,023 - All right. - Okay, bye. 1257 01:09:29,180 --> 01:09:30,420 Bye. 1258 01:09:30,779 --> 01:09:32,747 Wish me luck. 1259 01:09:32,899 --> 01:09:34,390 Good luck. 1260 01:09:48,380 --> 01:09:50,621 - Hey. - Hi. 1261 01:09:50,779 --> 01:09:52,543 Come on in. 1262 01:09:53,619 --> 01:09:56,668 Wow, you really dressed up. 1263 01:09:56,819 --> 01:09:58,708 This old thing? 1264 01:09:59,500 --> 01:10:00,706 So hey, where do you wanna go? 1265 01:10:00,859 --> 01:10:03,226 Because I actually heard that Dave & Buster's 1266 01:10:03,380 --> 01:10:06,429 is, like, the cool, hip new spot. 1267 01:10:06,579 --> 01:10:08,149 The place with the metal claw game? 1268 01:10:08,300 --> 01:10:10,746 - Yeah, that's the one. Fun, right? - Yeah. 1269 01:10:10,899 --> 01:10:12,140 Well, I do love Dave & Buster's, 1270 01:10:12,300 --> 01:10:15,064 but I actually took the liberty of making a reservation already. 1271 01:10:15,220 --> 01:10:18,144 Hope this is okay. Thought we could eat here tonight. 1272 01:10:18,300 --> 01:10:21,462 I've been teaching myself how to make sushi online. 1273 01:10:21,619 --> 01:10:23,782 I just thought it would be, you know, more personal. 1274 01:10:23,939 --> 01:10:25,623 Yeah, I like that. 1275 01:10:25,779 --> 01:10:28,067 Oh, those are the baked crab rolls. 1276 01:10:28,260 --> 01:10:30,661 Make yourself at home. That's Japanese tea, by the way. 1277 01:10:30,819 --> 01:10:33,220 - So enjoy. - Okay. 1278 01:10:34,579 --> 01:10:36,867 Nightmare. I'd only been trained for Dave & Buster's. 1279 01:10:37,060 --> 01:10:40,347 What did Wes say? That "no one's making out if they're 3 feet apart." 1280 01:10:41,220 --> 01:10:42,460 Okay. 1281 01:10:46,140 --> 01:10:47,265 Oh, Jesus. 1282 01:10:58,020 --> 01:10:59,260 Hey. 1283 01:11:00,659 --> 01:11:03,630 - Everything okay? - Oh, yeah. No, I was getting... 1284 01:11:03,779 --> 01:11:07,226 I was feeling, like, a draft over when I was here, 1285 01:11:07,420 --> 01:11:10,662 so I just kind of scooted it on over here. 1286 01:11:10,819 --> 01:11:13,220 - I can turn off the air. - Oh, okay. Whatever. 1287 01:11:13,380 --> 01:11:15,222 That's probably a good idea. 1288 01:11:15,659 --> 01:11:18,390 The vibe. Darker the better. 1289 01:11:20,619 --> 01:11:22,030 Okay. 1290 01:11:23,220 --> 01:11:26,860 Really? What kind of light...? 1291 01:11:31,619 --> 01:11:33,940 - What? - Hey, Bianca. That's better... 1292 01:11:34,659 --> 01:11:37,265 - Did we blow a fuse? - I guess we did. 1293 01:11:37,420 --> 01:11:39,945 I was just over here looking at this picture of you 1294 01:11:40,100 --> 01:11:42,989 in the tiny sweatpants, and it got dark. 1295 01:11:43,140 --> 01:11:44,345 I don't know. It's crazy. 1296 01:11:44,539 --> 01:11:46,667 I'll just flip the breakers, turn all the lights on. 1297 01:11:46,819 --> 01:11:50,426 Oh, you're gonna turn all the...? Turn them all back on? Okay. 1298 01:11:50,979 --> 01:11:54,347 - What? - Hey, let there be light, right? 1299 01:11:54,500 --> 01:11:56,502 Yeah. From the Bible. 1300 01:11:56,659 --> 01:11:58,104 Cool. That's crazy. 1301 01:11:58,260 --> 01:12:01,342 - What's the crab doing right now? - Oh, I'll go get him. 1302 01:12:01,500 --> 01:12:02,864 Okay, great. 1303 01:12:04,420 --> 01:12:06,149 I can't believe you made all this sushi. 1304 01:12:06,300 --> 01:12:09,189 This is like restaurant-quality sushi. 1305 01:12:09,340 --> 01:12:11,546 Like, look at this. Do you have a special tool for these? 1306 01:12:12,380 --> 01:12:13,666 It took a few hours. 1307 01:12:13,859 --> 01:12:16,829 If it has to do with my hands, I usually pick it up really quickly. 1308 01:12:16,979 --> 01:12:18,743 That's actually how I got into guitar. 1309 01:12:18,899 --> 01:12:21,470 - Oh, yeah. Tell me more about that. - I was a terrible student. 1310 01:12:22,899 --> 01:12:24,788 And so my mom used to stand outside my room 1311 01:12:24,939 --> 01:12:27,341 to make sure that I was doing my homework. 1312 01:12:28,939 --> 01:12:30,225 Game on. 1313 01:12:30,420 --> 01:12:33,867 - What? - I said, go on with the story, 1314 01:12:34,020 --> 01:12:35,545 because I'm loving it. 1315 01:12:35,699 --> 01:12:39,988 So then I just started writing poems, and those poems became songs and... 1316 01:12:40,180 --> 01:12:42,069 That is so cool. 1317 01:12:42,220 --> 01:12:44,063 I want you to take me... 1318 01:12:44,220 --> 01:12:46,143 Take me on this table right now. 1319 01:13:00,899 --> 01:13:03,028 What's up? Oh, California roll? 1320 01:13:06,539 --> 01:13:07,666 Are you okay? 1321 01:13:10,460 --> 01:13:14,225 Yeah, I'm just really feeling this sushi. 1322 01:13:14,420 --> 01:13:17,070 It's really... It's doing something to me. 1323 01:13:17,260 --> 01:13:18,386 Yeah. Well, thanks. 1324 01:13:18,539 --> 01:13:21,588 No, like I said, it's the poetry of the chord progression 1325 01:13:21,739 --> 01:13:24,265 intertwining with the poetry of the lyrics. 1326 01:13:24,420 --> 01:13:26,149 It's like two people in love. 1327 01:13:26,300 --> 01:13:28,667 Yeah, like a midget jerking it. 1328 01:13:29,899 --> 01:13:32,710 Yeah, funny. Actually, that kind of reminds me of a song 1329 01:13:32,899 --> 01:13:34,663 that I wrote a few weeks ago. 1330 01:13:34,859 --> 01:13:37,430 I could play it for you later if you like. 1331 01:13:38,819 --> 01:13:40,868 - Yeah, totally. - Yeah, totally. 1332 01:13:41,020 --> 01:13:42,783 You know, I've been working on a poem myself. 1333 01:13:42,939 --> 01:13:45,750 There once a boy named Toby Tucker Bianca Piper just wished he would... 1334 01:13:45,899 --> 01:13:50,427 Okay, I think I'm gonna use the bathroom. 1335 01:13:50,579 --> 01:13:51,786 Where is it? 1336 01:13:53,180 --> 01:13:55,103 What are you doing to me out there? 1337 01:13:55,300 --> 01:13:57,381 What...? You're not into Wesley, are you? 1338 01:13:57,539 --> 01:14:00,270 You bet your ass, you are. Who's number one in your brain? 1339 01:14:00,420 --> 01:14:01,909 - No. Get out. - This guy. This guy is. 1340 01:14:02,060 --> 01:14:03,743 - Yeah. - Get out. 1341 01:14:03,899 --> 01:14:07,029 Okay, you've gotta pull it together, okay? 1342 01:14:07,180 --> 01:14:11,390 Toby Tucker is gonna play you a song, and you're gonna love it. 1343 01:14:11,779 --> 01:14:13,463 Here we go. 1344 01:14:18,420 --> 01:14:20,149 Are you okay? Little cold? 1345 01:14:20,300 --> 01:14:21,904 I'm a little chilly, yeah. 1346 01:14:22,060 --> 01:14:24,028 Oh, hang on. 1347 01:14:30,819 --> 01:14:32,345 There you go. Better? 1348 01:14:32,539 --> 01:14:36,225 Yeah, definitely. Thanks. 1349 01:14:37,060 --> 01:14:39,461 So here's the song. 1350 01:14:39,619 --> 01:14:42,908 - Be gentle. I'm still working on it, so... - Okay. 1351 01:14:43,060 --> 01:14:48,385 Baby, you set my soul on fire 1352 01:14:49,180 --> 01:14:54,390 And, girl, you are my heart's desire 1353 01:14:55,699 --> 01:14:58,020 Don't you know it's true 1354 01:14:58,180 --> 01:15:01,184 In everything we do 1355 01:15:01,340 --> 01:15:04,070 I just want it to be 1356 01:15:04,220 --> 01:15:07,429 The two of us 1357 01:15:07,619 --> 01:15:09,587 I don't know exactly how to rhyme that. 1358 01:15:09,739 --> 01:15:12,903 - Oh, no. It's so good, though. - Thank you. I think it's great. 1359 01:15:13,060 --> 01:15:15,381 I mean, I've been working on it for a little bit, so... 1360 01:15:15,539 --> 01:15:16,826 But enough about me. 1361 01:15:16,979 --> 01:15:19,301 I mean, how have you been, after that video came out? 1362 01:15:19,460 --> 01:15:21,462 It's been a little tough. 1363 01:15:21,619 --> 01:15:25,021 A lot of people... A lot of people saw it. I don't know. 1364 01:15:25,220 --> 01:15:28,860 To be honest, the saddest part about it is that... 1365 01:15:29,060 --> 01:15:31,381 I kind of got into a fight with my best friends, and... 1366 01:15:31,539 --> 01:15:32,666 Jess and Casey? 1367 01:15:33,979 --> 01:15:36,301 Yes, Jess and Casey. 1368 01:15:36,460 --> 01:15:40,545 And I don't know, it's, like, my fault pretty much. 1369 01:15:40,699 --> 01:15:43,385 I kind of wanna reach out, but I'm not really sure 1370 01:15:43,539 --> 01:15:45,940 - what I should do about it, and... - You should talk to them. 1371 01:15:46,100 --> 01:15:49,661 I mean, they seem like really caring, understanding people, so... 1372 01:15:51,420 --> 01:15:53,342 Sorry, are you friends with them? 1373 01:15:53,539 --> 01:15:55,827 Yeah, Jess is in my drama class and I have trig with Casey. 1374 01:15:55,979 --> 01:15:58,186 Oh, yeah. You know... 1375 01:15:58,380 --> 01:16:02,510 I mean, Jess is, like, an amazing actress. 1376 01:16:02,659 --> 01:16:05,060 And dancer. 1377 01:16:05,260 --> 01:16:06,944 - And dresser. - Okay. 1378 01:16:07,140 --> 01:16:10,269 And Casey, she's, like, this, you know, fiery Latina. 1379 01:16:10,420 --> 01:16:11,784 You know, caliente, you know. 1380 01:16:11,939 --> 01:16:13,543 Yeah, she's very spicy. 1381 01:16:13,699 --> 01:16:18,421 But, you know, I'm not really friends with them right now, so... 1382 01:16:24,020 --> 01:16:26,068 Is it intimidating? 1383 01:16:27,500 --> 01:16:28,944 What? 1384 01:16:29,939 --> 01:16:32,988 Being friends with... And it's rare that I point this out, 1385 01:16:33,140 --> 01:16:35,904 because I do not subscribe to the American ideal of feminine beauty. 1386 01:16:36,060 --> 01:16:38,869 But such powerful women? 1387 01:16:39,020 --> 01:16:41,148 Oh, no. No, no, no. 1388 01:16:41,340 --> 01:16:43,546 A friend of mine was wondering, 1389 01:16:43,699 --> 01:16:46,748 do they have dates to the homecoming dance next weekend? 1390 01:16:46,899 --> 01:16:50,109 I tried to keep my composure, but... 1391 01:16:57,260 --> 01:16:59,739 Are you DUFFING me? 1392 01:17:00,939 --> 01:17:02,020 Excuse me? 1393 01:17:02,180 --> 01:17:03,511 You are. 1394 01:17:03,659 --> 01:17:05,662 This is a DUFF. 1395 01:17:06,220 --> 01:17:10,145 You're using me to try to get closer to Jess and Casey, 1396 01:17:10,300 --> 01:17:13,304 because you think that I'm approachable, aren't you? 1397 01:17:13,460 --> 01:17:16,703 Okay, look, when you said that we should hang out Friday, 1398 01:17:16,859 --> 01:17:19,021 I thought you were hinting that they were gonna be here. 1399 01:17:19,180 --> 01:17:21,546 Like, I thought that you were saying that they were into me. 1400 01:17:24,180 --> 01:17:25,988 I can't... I can't even believe this. 1401 01:17:26,140 --> 01:17:28,063 I can't believe for five seconds I thought that... 1402 01:17:28,260 --> 01:17:30,944 - Bianca, Bianca. - What? 1403 01:17:31,140 --> 01:17:33,461 Can I have my sweatshirt? 1404 01:17:34,739 --> 01:17:37,823 Okay, you know what? Here, you can have it. 1405 01:17:40,659 --> 01:17:42,502 Oh, hell, no. 1406 01:17:45,579 --> 01:17:46,819 Mr. Sushi? 1407 01:17:48,899 --> 01:17:50,663 - The song was mine. - Yeah. 1408 01:17:51,420 --> 01:17:53,421 I'm not surprised, because it was a piece of shit. 1409 01:17:53,619 --> 01:17:56,190 And so are you. Have a nice night. 1410 01:18:01,140 --> 01:18:02,904 - Hello? - Wes, it's Bianca. 1411 01:18:03,060 --> 01:18:05,381 Just kidding. It's my voice mail. 1412 01:18:05,539 --> 01:18:07,702 Wes, it's Bianca. 1413 01:18:07,859 --> 01:18:11,501 So it turns out that Toby's been DUFFING me the whole time. 1414 01:18:11,659 --> 01:18:14,230 And I've just been thinking about some stuff, and I just... 1415 01:18:14,380 --> 01:18:17,782 I'd really like to talk to you, okay? Call me back. 1416 01:19:11,979 --> 01:19:13,505 Hey, I got your message. 1417 01:19:13,699 --> 01:19:16,510 Yeah, forget about it. Just go home. 1418 01:19:16,699 --> 01:19:19,748 Look, I'm sorry about Toby. 1419 01:19:19,899 --> 01:19:21,550 Okay? He's an idiot. 1420 01:19:23,340 --> 01:19:25,865 You know, I saw you and Madison. 1421 01:19:27,939 --> 01:19:31,466 - Okay. - You were at my special place. 1422 01:19:31,619 --> 01:19:33,109 You know, that's my Think Rock. 1423 01:19:33,899 --> 01:19:35,470 You said I could use it. 1424 01:19:35,619 --> 01:19:37,907 Not as a Motel 6, Wes. 1425 01:19:38,100 --> 01:19:39,863 You were on a date with Toby. 1426 01:19:41,899 --> 01:19:45,029 Are you seriously mad at me right now? 1427 01:19:45,180 --> 01:19:46,420 I thought we were friends. 1428 01:19:47,100 --> 01:19:49,706 Come on, we're not friends. 1429 01:19:49,899 --> 01:19:51,948 You know, people like you don't hang out 1430 01:19:52,100 --> 01:19:54,261 with people like me, you know? 1431 01:19:54,420 --> 01:19:57,310 That's just the way it is. Football guys, they date hot chicks. 1432 01:19:57,460 --> 01:20:00,270 And people like me don't date anybody. 1433 01:20:00,420 --> 01:20:02,342 I don't know why I thought it could be different. 1434 01:20:02,539 --> 01:20:04,747 What are you talking about? B, this isn't you. 1435 01:20:04,899 --> 01:20:09,224 Please, Wes, you're embarrassed to be seen with me at school. 1436 01:20:09,420 --> 01:20:11,024 Okay? 1437 01:20:11,180 --> 01:20:12,704 It's just... 1438 01:20:12,859 --> 01:20:15,983 This was an experiment, and it worked for you and it didn't work for me, 1439 01:20:16,180 --> 01:20:18,911 so let's just forget it, okay? 1440 01:20:19,100 --> 01:20:21,148 - B... - Please, just go home. 1441 01:21:37,859 --> 01:21:39,623 So, what does homecoming mean to me? 1442 01:21:44,579 --> 01:21:45,819 The word "homecoming" itself 1443 01:21:46,020 --> 01:21:47,783 conjures up feelings of warmth and comfort. 1444 01:21:51,939 --> 01:21:53,942 High school offers me none of that. 1445 01:21:54,100 --> 01:21:56,864 I know some people will tell you that homecoming is about celebrating, 1446 01:21:58,260 --> 01:22:00,103 but to the majority of kids in school, 1447 01:22:00,260 --> 01:22:02,387 it's just another night where you feel pressure 1448 01:22:02,539 --> 01:22:04,780 to find the perfect date, the perfect outfit, 1449 01:22:06,619 --> 01:22:07,780 and have the perfect evening. 1450 01:22:11,659 --> 01:22:14,185 Come Monday morning, it's back to reality. 1451 01:22:16,180 --> 01:22:18,386 I don't know about you, 1452 01:22:19,779 --> 01:22:22,623 but I'm happy to sit this one out. 1453 01:22:27,619 --> 01:22:29,509 I didn't regret hitting "send," 1454 01:22:29,659 --> 01:22:32,708 but I did regret how I left things with Jess and Casey. 1455 01:22:32,899 --> 01:22:36,109 So all of this because of some word? 1456 01:22:36,619 --> 01:22:38,827 It didn't feel like just some word to me. 1457 01:22:38,979 --> 01:22:42,462 I think deep down I've always known you guys were prettier than me, 1458 01:22:42,659 --> 01:22:44,469 and I felt like I couldn't talk to you about it 1459 01:22:44,659 --> 01:22:48,744 because you wouldn't understand what it felt like to be your schlumpy friend. 1460 01:22:48,899 --> 01:22:52,541 But, you know, you're wrong, because we all have our insecurities. 1461 01:22:53,100 --> 01:22:54,988 The point is, we're a team. 1462 01:22:55,140 --> 01:22:58,029 If anything, we're kind of chumps in comparison to you. 1463 01:22:58,180 --> 01:23:00,911 Okay, now you went too far. You had me and then you lost me. 1464 01:23:01,060 --> 01:23:03,904 Oh, no, she's right, B. You are by far the smartest one 1465 01:23:04,060 --> 01:23:06,188 of the three of us. You're loyal, you're funny. 1466 01:23:06,340 --> 01:23:10,230 And we can't be Bianca, Jess and Casey without Bianca. 1467 01:23:11,939 --> 01:23:13,543 Thanks. 1468 01:23:15,220 --> 01:23:16,266 Okay, you know what? 1469 01:23:16,420 --> 01:23:18,945 Tonight how about we ditch our dates and have a girls' night? 1470 01:23:19,100 --> 01:23:20,828 - Done. - What? No, no way. 1471 01:23:20,979 --> 01:23:23,506 Guys, it's homecoming. You're definitely going. 1472 01:23:23,699 --> 01:23:26,350 I just... I can't see Wes. 1473 01:23:26,500 --> 01:23:29,070 Or Toby. Or anyone, for that matter. 1474 01:23:29,220 --> 01:23:32,940 Just let me stay here and lie amongst the pizza a little longer. 1475 01:23:33,100 --> 01:23:35,421 - Absolutely not. - Mom. 1476 01:23:35,859 --> 01:23:39,466 - You're listening at the door again? - Yes, I was. This is juicy stuff. 1477 01:23:39,619 --> 01:23:40,826 Now it all makes sense. 1478 01:23:40,979 --> 01:23:43,711 Mom, I've been through all of your stages, okay? 1479 01:23:43,859 --> 01:23:47,784 I am already at the fifth and final stage: acceptance. 1480 01:23:47,939 --> 01:23:51,103 Honey, forget about the five stages. I have got some real advice for you. 1481 01:23:51,260 --> 01:23:53,865 We're gonna call it stage 11. 1482 01:23:54,060 --> 01:23:56,028 Yeah, it's sort of acceptance plus, 1483 01:23:56,180 --> 01:23:58,581 where you realize who you are, you accept it, 1484 01:23:58,739 --> 01:24:04,224 and then you... turn it up to 11. 1485 01:24:04,380 --> 01:24:06,222 Is that supposed to be Robert Pattinson? 1486 01:24:06,380 --> 01:24:08,985 No, Spinal Tap. 1487 01:24:09,140 --> 01:24:12,064 The movie, Spinal Tap. "This one goes to 11." 1488 01:24:12,220 --> 01:24:13,744 Let's stop. 1489 01:24:13,899 --> 01:24:17,301 All right, honey, you're a weirdo. 1490 01:24:17,500 --> 01:24:20,423 Fine, own it. Be the best weirdo you can be. 1491 01:24:20,579 --> 01:24:22,344 You have spent the last month worrying so much 1492 01:24:22,500 --> 01:24:24,024 about what other people think about you. 1493 01:24:24,220 --> 01:24:27,269 How about tonight you just worry about what you think about you? 1494 01:24:27,420 --> 01:24:30,502 Now I want you to get cleaned up, I want you to go to that dance, 1495 01:24:30,659 --> 01:24:34,028 and rock that homecoming like my Bianca Piper would. 1496 01:24:34,420 --> 01:24:36,104 Passion plus action... 1497 01:24:36,260 --> 01:24:39,229 - Oh, my God, I'm doing it again. - No, no, it's okay, it's working. 1498 01:24:39,380 --> 01:24:42,782 You're good at this. I'm feeling mad inspired. 1499 01:24:42,939 --> 01:24:44,863 I think I have an idea. 1500 01:25:10,859 --> 01:25:13,703 There it is. I gotta say, this is some of my best work. 1501 01:25:13,859 --> 01:25:16,829 - You are very talented. - It's really perfect, Jess. 1502 01:25:17,020 --> 01:25:21,229 All right, I just talked with the guys, and I told them we're going alone. 1503 01:25:22,020 --> 01:25:24,226 - Yes. - Thanks. 1504 01:25:24,380 --> 01:25:25,791 So shall we? 1505 01:25:26,859 --> 01:25:28,430 Let's do this shit. 1506 01:25:28,579 --> 01:25:30,264 Fucking A. 1507 01:25:30,420 --> 01:25:32,262 - Mom. - Sorry. 1508 01:25:47,300 --> 01:25:49,701 She looks great. She's pulling it off. 1509 01:25:49,859 --> 01:25:51,703 - Dude, she's 15 years old, man. - She's a ten. 1510 01:25:51,859 --> 01:25:53,510 I don't care about 15. She's a ten. 1511 01:26:05,340 --> 01:26:09,265 And then she was all like, "Bitch, if I wanted your opinion, I'd ask." 1512 01:26:09,420 --> 01:26:12,742 And I was all like, "Bitch, if I cared what you thought, I'd ask." 1513 01:26:12,899 --> 01:26:14,628 My grandma is so annoying. 1514 01:26:15,539 --> 01:26:18,065 Wesley, what time is it? 1515 01:26:19,380 --> 01:26:20,461 Nine-fifteen. 1516 01:26:21,020 --> 01:26:23,068 Okay, they're announcing king and queen soon, 1517 01:26:23,220 --> 01:26:26,224 so, Caitlyn, I wanna go over by the stage and get the very best lighting. 1518 01:26:26,420 --> 01:26:28,149 I'll be right back. 1519 01:27:02,060 --> 01:27:04,221 You guys, I'll be right back, okay? 1520 01:27:07,739 --> 01:27:09,902 - Awesome dress, Bianca. - Thanks, Robin. 1521 01:27:10,060 --> 01:27:12,586 Hey, Bianca, about the other... 1522 01:27:14,260 --> 01:27:16,421 - Hey. - Hey. 1523 01:27:18,539 --> 01:27:22,386 I could tell from across the room that we might be into each other. 1524 01:27:22,539 --> 01:27:25,668 Now that I'm here, I'm sure. Your move. 1525 01:27:25,859 --> 01:27:28,988 - How was that? - That was not bad. 1526 01:27:29,140 --> 01:27:31,029 Should I've gone with "Wiener in your mouth"? 1527 01:27:31,180 --> 01:27:34,104 No, no. Definitely not. 1528 01:27:37,939 --> 01:27:39,100 You look beautiful. 1529 01:27:39,260 --> 01:27:41,024 Thanks. 1530 01:27:42,100 --> 01:27:45,786 Look, about what I said the other day, 1531 01:27:45,939 --> 01:27:49,989 of course we're friends, and that's cool. 1532 01:27:50,899 --> 01:27:57,623 But a guy I know once told me that if you like somebody, 1533 01:27:57,779 --> 01:28:00,465 you should just be straight-up with them 1534 01:28:00,619 --> 01:28:03,783 and tell them that you're into them. 1535 01:28:04,020 --> 01:28:07,990 So I guess that's kind of what I'm doing. 1536 01:28:08,619 --> 01:28:10,940 Wait, you're into me? 1537 01:28:13,060 --> 01:28:14,265 Yeah. 1538 01:28:16,260 --> 01:28:21,027 I kind of just got back together with Madison. 1539 01:28:24,100 --> 01:28:27,104 But that's good if you're happy. 1540 01:28:27,260 --> 01:28:29,024 What the shit? 1541 01:28:29,180 --> 01:28:31,069 Get out of my way. 1542 01:28:33,539 --> 01:28:36,783 Wow, that is an interesting dress. 1543 01:28:36,939 --> 01:28:39,021 Who makes that, Build-A-Bear? 1544 01:28:39,939 --> 01:28:42,591 Since you can't seem to leave my boyfriend alone, 1545 01:28:42,739 --> 01:28:45,310 I cannot wait to release your video tomorrow. 1546 01:28:46,260 --> 01:28:49,627 Good. I'm glad you're excited about it. Go right ahead. 1547 01:28:49,779 --> 01:28:52,067 Fine, I will. 1548 01:28:52,979 --> 01:28:56,381 Plus Wesley would never leave me for some DUFF anyway. 1549 01:28:56,539 --> 01:28:58,269 - Look, Madison... - It's okay. 1550 01:28:59,779 --> 01:29:02,828 Madison, you used to make me so upset, 1551 01:29:02,979 --> 01:29:04,981 but now I just feel bad for you. 1552 01:29:05,140 --> 01:29:06,710 Yeah, I'm somebody's DUFF. 1553 01:29:06,859 --> 01:29:09,703 Guess what, so are you. So is everybody. 1554 01:29:09,859 --> 01:29:13,023 There's always gonna be somebody prettier or more talented 1555 01:29:13,180 --> 01:29:14,908 or richer than you, 1556 01:29:15,060 --> 01:29:16,903 but it shouldn't affect how you see yourself. 1557 01:29:17,060 --> 01:29:19,426 You label everybody to try to keep them down, 1558 01:29:19,579 --> 01:29:22,230 but you end up missing out on all this great stuff around you. 1559 01:29:22,380 --> 01:29:26,623 You have Wesley, and you treat him like he's stupid, but he isn't. 1560 01:29:26,779 --> 01:29:28,668 And people don't like him because he's with you. 1561 01:29:28,819 --> 01:29:31,106 They like him because he's, like, an amazing guy. 1562 01:29:31,260 --> 01:29:33,739 Look, I like myself. 1563 01:29:33,939 --> 01:29:35,908 I wouldn't wanna be anybody else. 1564 01:29:36,060 --> 01:29:39,109 And I realize now that none of this matters to me. 1565 01:29:39,260 --> 01:29:41,739 But it does to you. It's your dream. 1566 01:29:41,899 --> 01:29:43,425 And I totally support that. 1567 01:29:43,619 --> 01:29:46,908 Just don't tear me down for not giving a shit about your labels, 1568 01:29:47,060 --> 01:29:49,539 because in the end, they're meaningless. 1569 01:29:49,699 --> 01:29:50,985 What? 1570 01:29:51,140 --> 01:29:53,426 Whatever you said was meaningless, okay? 1571 01:29:53,899 --> 01:29:56,470 You don't even get it. This is not my dream. 1572 01:29:56,619 --> 01:29:58,270 - I don't need to... - Okay, Blue Devils. 1573 01:29:58,420 --> 01:29:59,501 Oh, my God, here it is. 1574 01:30:00,180 --> 01:30:01,704 It's happening. 1575 01:30:03,260 --> 01:30:07,981 Okay, Blue Devils, it's time to crown our king and queen. 1576 01:30:09,539 --> 01:30:11,349 Hey, how'd it go? 1577 01:30:13,260 --> 01:30:16,820 - Actually, really good. - This year's homecoming queen is... 1578 01:30:16,979 --> 01:30:19,108 This one's got me a little nervous. 1579 01:30:19,460 --> 01:30:21,349 ...Ms. Madison Morgan. 1580 01:30:22,420 --> 01:30:24,262 Me? What? 1581 01:30:24,420 --> 01:30:25,989 Oh, my God, of course. 1582 01:30:26,140 --> 01:30:28,221 Madison! 1583 01:30:31,300 --> 01:30:33,143 - Congratulations, Madison. - I knew it was me. 1584 01:30:33,300 --> 01:30:34,789 Keep it to yourself. 1585 01:30:35,180 --> 01:30:37,944 - Yeah, Madison. - All right. 1586 01:30:38,100 --> 01:30:42,185 And this year's homecoming king is... 1587 01:30:42,340 --> 01:30:44,182 Drumroll, please. 1588 01:30:45,380 --> 01:30:49,180 ...Mr. Wesley Rush. 1589 01:30:58,340 --> 01:31:00,182 Wesley Rush. 1590 01:31:00,340 --> 01:31:02,786 Homecoming king. Come on up. 1591 01:31:02,939 --> 01:31:05,909 Wesley. Wesley. 1592 01:31:06,699 --> 01:31:07,826 Wesley. 1593 01:31:11,659 --> 01:31:12,740 Where's Wesley? 1594 01:31:21,220 --> 01:31:22,823 Aren't you gonna go get your crown? 1595 01:31:24,340 --> 01:31:26,707 No, I'm gonna get the girl. 1596 01:31:46,420 --> 01:31:49,867 - Yeah, Bianca! - Let's get the hell out of here. 1597 01:31:50,020 --> 01:31:53,182 All right. All right. 1598 01:31:54,260 --> 01:31:56,228 Yeah, all right. 1599 01:31:56,699 --> 01:31:58,189 Damn. 1600 01:31:58,380 --> 01:32:00,826 It was definitely the dress. 1601 01:32:00,979 --> 01:32:04,109 - That is really great. - Yeah, he is hot. 1602 01:32:09,060 --> 01:32:10,743 Are we breaking into the newsroom to hook up? 1603 01:32:10,899 --> 01:32:13,631 - You bet we are. - Who are you? 1604 01:32:20,579 --> 01:32:21,706 - Wesley? - What? 1605 01:32:21,899 --> 01:32:24,061 I just want to... I just want to... One more thing. 1606 01:32:24,220 --> 01:32:26,904 - What? What? - Just one thing. 1607 01:32:27,060 --> 01:32:29,141 No, they block out all the good sites. 1608 01:32:29,300 --> 01:32:31,029 - What are you doing? - I just have to... 1609 01:32:31,460 --> 01:32:33,747 No, no, if you're doing homework, I'm gonna kill myself. 1610 01:32:33,899 --> 01:32:36,345 It's just one quick thing. It's for my article. 1611 01:32:36,539 --> 01:32:38,860 I'm feeling inspired. 1612 01:32:39,060 --> 01:32:41,744 - Okay, here, just rub my shoulders. - Right. 1613 01:32:45,100 --> 01:32:47,341 What does homecoming mean to me? 1614 01:32:47,500 --> 01:32:49,547 If you asked me at the beginning of senior year, 1615 01:32:49,699 --> 01:32:51,907 I would've told you, "Absolutely nothing." 1616 01:32:52,100 --> 01:32:54,671 But tonight, possibly the greatest night of my life, 1617 01:32:54,819 --> 01:32:56,423 I have changed my tune. 1618 01:32:56,859 --> 01:32:59,430 You know that one moment in high school that changes everything? 1619 01:32:59,579 --> 01:33:01,867 Okay, I think I can probably finish this later. 1620 01:33:02,020 --> 01:33:05,421 It all started senior year, about a month before homecoming. 1621 01:33:05,579 --> 01:33:08,423 I was cruising the halls with my two best friends... 1622 01:33:13,619 --> 01:33:15,860 Wow, she's awesome. 1623 01:33:16,020 --> 01:33:18,784 Yeah, she is. I should forward this. 1624 01:33:18,939 --> 01:33:22,069 - Viral? - Viral. 1625 01:33:22,220 --> 01:33:24,109 I'm a DUFF. 1626 01:33:24,979 --> 01:33:26,823 I am a DUFF. 1627 01:33:26,979 --> 01:33:28,470 Yep, that's me. 1628 01:33:28,619 --> 01:33:30,827 - I'm a DUFF. - I'm a DUFF. 1629 01:33:34,500 --> 01:33:37,025 Okay, girl, I know some DUFFs too. 1630 01:33:39,380 --> 01:33:41,302 For what it's worth, what you wrote here 1631 01:33:41,460 --> 01:33:43,302 struck a chord with me as well. 1632 01:33:43,460 --> 01:33:48,626 I mean, I know you won't believe me, but I was the DUFF out of my friends. 1633 01:33:49,460 --> 01:33:51,302 What? No. 1634 01:33:51,460 --> 01:33:54,542 There was no cool name for it like "the DUFF." 1635 01:33:54,699 --> 01:33:58,101 It was, like, "the dipshit," douche bag. 1636 01:33:58,260 --> 01:34:00,911 A. Urkel. Asian Urkel. 1637 01:34:01,060 --> 01:34:03,539 - Nerd ass. - Okay, no. Didn't need... 1638 01:34:03,699 --> 01:34:05,588 - Didn't need the help, you know? - Oh, sorry. 1639 01:34:08,579 --> 01:34:09,706 Whoa, look at this. 1640 01:34:10,260 --> 01:34:12,739 The site has thousands of comments and likes on it. 1641 01:34:14,180 --> 01:34:15,670 But they're positive this time. 1642 01:34:15,819 --> 01:34:17,185 Mr. Arthur was right. 1643 01:34:17,340 --> 01:34:19,661 Kids started writing to me with their own DUFF stories, 1644 01:34:19,819 --> 01:34:20,900 and when I posted those, 1645 01:34:21,060 --> 01:34:24,542 more kids responded until it just became its own thing. 1646 01:34:25,659 --> 01:34:27,947 Oh, and Wesley? He passed science. 1647 01:34:28,100 --> 01:34:29,908 He's going to Ohio State in the fall. 1648 01:34:30,060 --> 01:34:33,189 And since I got into Northwestern, we can visit each other. 1649 01:34:33,340 --> 01:34:35,069 A lot. 1650 01:34:46,380 --> 01:34:48,302 Hey, neighbor-slash-boyfriend. 1651 01:34:48,460 --> 01:34:50,985 Hi, neighbor-slash-girlfriend. 1652 01:34:54,340 --> 01:34:55,909 You hungry? I'm hungry. 1653 01:34:56,100 --> 01:34:57,590 - Yeah, I could eat. - Good. 1654 01:34:57,739 --> 01:35:00,220 Because I was hoping to take you to dinner. 1655 01:35:00,380 --> 01:35:02,029 How about a little Dave & Buster's? 1656 01:35:02,180 --> 01:35:03,305 Skee-Ball? 1657 01:35:03,460 --> 01:35:06,987 - A dark booth? Yeah. - I love it when you talk dirty to me. 1658 01:35:07,140 --> 01:35:11,350 - Maybe we'll accidentally touch knees. - Oh, can I? 1659 01:35:11,500 --> 01:35:14,070 Bianca kiss Wes now? 1660 01:35:14,220 --> 01:35:17,064 Monster voice sexy. 1661 01:35:17,699 --> 01:35:21,750 In the end, it's not about popularity or even getting the guy. 1662 01:35:21,899 --> 01:35:23,060 It's about understanding 1663 01:35:23,220 --> 01:35:25,426 that no matter what label is thrown your way, 1664 01:35:25,579 --> 01:35:27,742 only you can define yourself. 1665 01:35:27,899 --> 01:35:29,981 Take it from a DUFF. 1666 01:35:51,140 --> 01:35:53,984 Hit that... Hit that... That long one in the middle. 1667 01:35:54,140 --> 01:35:55,948 It's called a spacebar. 1668 01:35:59,300 --> 01:36:01,381 - Hey. - Now, that's a classic look. 1669 01:36:01,579 --> 01:36:04,948 You could be on the cover of GQ. Back cover. 1670 01:36:05,100 --> 01:36:07,784 Just a vest. Okay, MacGyver. 1671 01:36:07,939 --> 01:36:10,944 You talk about my son one more ******* time. 1672 01:36:23,979 --> 01:36:26,426 I swear, I'm just feeling the pressure. 1673 01:36:44,140 --> 01:36:45,585 If this makes it to Toshi, 1674 01:36:45,739 --> 01:36:47,742 - I'm telling you now... - Toshi. 1675 01:36:49,939 --> 01:36:51,783 Now I know you... 1676 01:36:52,340 --> 01:36:53,829 Now I know that you... 1677 01:37:04,659 --> 01:37:06,070 This is not... 1678 01:37:06,220 --> 01:37:08,188 - This is a... - Not the article I want. 1679 01:37:08,340 --> 01:37:11,344 - Dad, 17 pa... - But it article we need. 1680 01:37:15,819 --> 01:37:17,868 - Hey, Trevor. - Have fun tonight, Trevor. 1681 01:37:18,020 --> 01:37:20,989 - I hate you. - No, you look adorable. 1682 01:37:21,140 --> 01:37:22,664 Ish. 1683 01:37:22,819 --> 01:37:24,583 I'm not happy! 1684 01:37:24,739 --> 01:37:26,628 I haven't been kissed in years. 1685 01:37:26,779 --> 01:37:29,260 - Can we do one more...? - Okay, not again. 1686 01:37:33,060 --> 01:37:34,663 Oh, are we making a movie?